


Bucky²

by pleasehelpmeimstuckinthefandoms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Crossing Timelines, Doomed Timelines, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Mutant Reader, Protective Bucky Barnes, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Time Vortex, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 20:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16878288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasehelpmeimstuckinthefandoms/pseuds/pleasehelpmeimstuckinthefandoms
Summary: You’re a mutant with the power of dimensional, spatial and time manipulation, meaning you can travel to and from dimension, spaces and different times with ease. But one day, when you’re coming back from a particularly long mission, you brought something back that should never have come with you in the first place.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, angst and some flirting.
> 
> ||Please don’t repost anywhere or plagiarize||

 

(..) 

It’s been such a damn long mission.

I’m glad I’m going back home after this, just a little more information to collect, before heading home. I never realized just how much I’d miss my phone or my laptop or even the shows on TV. 

God, I miss Netflix.

Walking down the hall, my skirt swishing against my calves, I slid into the filing room where all of the Howling Commandos’ reports on their successful missions, I look over to the desk, seeing the most recent report sent in by Falsworth. I bend over the desk, reading it.

‘ _After taking the most recent HYDRA base, we couldn’t help but notice multiple anomalies in the sky. We don’t know where they’re from, if they’re natural or if they’re a new HYDRA weapon being tested. Whatever it is, we need to take care of it.’_

I sigh, modifying the report flawlessly to nullify that part of the report and I bite my lip, “sorry boys, but that’s no HYDRA weapon. That was my friends, calling me home.” 

“Hey, what are you doing in here?” A deep, commanding voice boomed from the open doorway. I knew that voice too well.

Turning, I saw the young Captain America with his best-friend and confidant, Bucky Barnes.

That’s what hit me hard.

He wasn’t used and abused for HYDRA’s warped ideals. He wasn’t mentally wiped so many times that sometimes he couldn’t remember where he was. There was no metal arm and no haunted look in his eyes.

But, he also wasn’t the  _Happy Feet_  I knew him as.

Y’know, the hardest part of this entire mission wasn’t the fact I had to infiltrate without suspicion. That was easy, using a fake identity, I’d done it many times before.

No.

The hardest part, was not being able to save Buck from the fate I’ve seen him deal with. All the suffering and the pain, I could change it with just a few words. I could save Steve and he could live a life with Peggy. The life he never got to live. Bucky could get married and have kids. He could go home and be a decorated hero and he would never have to suffer through the pain of being conditioned into the killing machine known as the Winter Soldier.

But even I knew that doing something that selfish, would have such catastrophic ramifications.

So I kept my mouth shut and stuck to my mission.

Smiling broadly, incorporating the ditzy yet loveable personality I had portrayed my cover to be, “Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes!” I greet them sweetly, “well done on your successful mission!” Stepping away from the report, I hide the paper of the original report against my back.

“You’re not cleared to be in here, Agent King.” Steve spoke with clear authority.

“Yes, yes, of course.” I knocked my head, giggling like a schoolgirl, “I can be such a knucklehead sometimes!” I make my way toward them, sliding the paper underneath my long shirt-sleeve behind my back.

“Are we still on to cut a rug tonight, baby-doll?” Bucky smiled charmingly as my heart fluttered gently. Damn his goddamn suaveness. I’ve got to try and stay on my game.

I had the last of my information. I had to leave  _now._

“I’m sorry, Sergeant Barnes, I have a previous engagement in which I have to attend to first, and I never agreed to dance with you.”  I  _really_ need to get going before I end up saying yes.

“I’ll wait for you on the dancefloor, Sylvia.” Bucky grinned brightly and with a click of his tongue, he winked charmingly at me.  _Damn him_. The man is literal sin. My cheeks turned pink as I giggle like a school-girl, slapping Bucky’s arm gently as he scratches the back of his head.

It’s actually _painful_ to keep up with this dumbass act.

“Don’t wait up, Sergeant.” With that, I make my way down the hall, clutching at my covered wrist as the paper crinkled under my grasp and the ditzy smile on my face faded.

It was time to get back to work.

**_Third Person P.O.V:_ **

Steve watched Agent King scurry away from Bucky who was still grinning at her retreating form. “Buck, just because you carry a torch for the dame, doesn’t mean that you should drop your guard. She wasn’t supposed to be in here. Even someone like Agent King, who doesn’t have the clearance, knows not to enter here.”

“C’mon, Steve, you can’t possibly be telling me that she’s some kind of HYDRA spy. Just because you don’t trust her.” Bucky argued, turning his gaze back to his best friend. 

“She came here out of the blue, right when those weird things in the sky started appearing. A month goes by with her still here and nothing, but now, as soon as they’re back, she’s suddenly going into a place where she doesn’t have the clearance?” Steve questioned. “They’re not coincidences, Buck.” All he got was a scoff from his long time friend as he bent over the table and opened the report Falsworth had sent in for evaluation. It hadn’t been stamped, so nobody had read it yet.

“Steve, what you’re saying is some kind of cock-eyed brainchild that you believe to be true. Sylvia is just a normal dame, one that I’d like to go out and bop with.”

“A normal dame that can expertly distort documents?” Steve questioned, frisbeeing the report to Bucky.

“What in the. .” His sentence trailed off as he read the document, blue-gray eyes widening in disbelief.

No way.

Both Steve and Bucky were with Falsworth when he was writing the report and they knew he had written about the strange happenings in the sky when they were coming back.

It looked untouched, though the words were vastly different. There was nothing pertaining to what they had seen at all.

She had completely erased it, like it never existed.

**_Y/N’s P.O.V:_ **

I was already outside, free from the underground bunker, my pocket watch in hand. It was a compass of sorts. It didn’t just tell me the time, it helped me find my way back to the time I  _need_ to go to, and right now,  _home_ was my destination.

Pressing down on the latch, the cover sprung open to reveal the hands spiraling clockwise. It was recharged and ready to go.

My feet gained momentum as I started to run as I gathered energy from all around me, using the electric disturbances in the air, caused by Thor through the time rift I purposely left open, he was able to send electrical currents from my time in the air of 1944, allowing me to travel smoother.

With that, I threw my arms to either side of me, ripping this dimension open and the swirling circle of the vortex beckoned me to return home.

“Stop! Stop her!” I faintly heard Steve’s voice as a few soldiers snapped to attention and I’m glad I narrowly avoided the bullets whizzing past me. 

I do  _not_ have regenerative healing like Wade.

 _‘I’m so glad nobody will remember this.’_ I thought, panting as I pushed myself harder and further toward the vortex. “Come on!” I roared, frustrated with my lack of exercise. 

Pretending to be non-combatant ditzy klutz did  _not_  help my training!

With one final burst, I jumped.

With a firm grip on the watch, I jumped through the split I had created, the remnants of the past I left behind were of Steve’s panicked cry, “ _Bucky!”_

Utilizing the electric currents that Thor sent through the rift, I closed the portal from 1944 and rode the waves that brought me to 2017, using the remaining energy to open the rift I had left behind.

Falling out of the vortex, “look out below!” Was my only word of warning before I burst through the dimension and I was in 2017 again, with my Bucky catching me easily. “Welcome back, kid.” His long hair and unshaved face made a bright smile curl my lips.

“Happy Feet!” I crowed joyously, throwing my arms in the air as Buck groaned sourly at my beloved nickname for him before he set me down, “are you getting heavier, Y/N?” He teased, good-naturedly.

I gasp in mock offence, before bursting into loud giggles,“shut up!” I blatantly punch his left bicep before I gasp for real and grab my injured fist, cradling it to my chest. “Ooh~, fuck you and that metal arm of yours!”

Bucky chuckled, patting his bionic bicep, “how did it g-” He cut his sentence short, eyes wide as he stared over my shoulder in disbelief and shock.

“What’re you lookin’ at?” I turned, my eyebrows furrowed in concern as I turned and I stumble against Bucky, my eyes wide at what I was seeing. 

Oh, God, that’s why Steve cried for Bucky when I jumped through.

The young Bucky Barnes from 1944 was standing in the Avengers compound entertainment room, staring at his older self with the exact same disbelieving expression.

My pocket watch was on the ground in the vast space between us, the hands having completely stopped moving.

That wasn’t good.

“ **How the hell are you even here**?” Present Bucky asked himself, bringing my attention back to the two! Bucky’s!

“ **Why don’t you ask her?** ” His younger self replied and both their identical eyes trained on me.

Oh, fuck me.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, angst and a lot some flirting.
> 
> ||Please don’t repost anywhere or plagiarize||

“What do you mean you can’t take him back now?! He can’t be here. What about all that stuff you say about the laws of time and shit?” Bucky growled as I swipe my pocket watch from the floor, sighing as I brushed it off before examining it carefully. 

“You know my watch needs to recharge before I can go anywhere, otherwise, it’s like a needle in a large-ass haystack, It could take me a long time to get him to the right era and I know better than anybody, that prolonged exposure in the vortex isn’t exactly a good lifestyle choice.” I look at the younger Bucky, “especially for someone who is freshly out of the vortex. I can’t take him.”

“Can’t or won’t?” The younger Bucky asked, walking closer toward us, albeit suspiciously. His eyes flitting nervously toward his older self and back to me.

“Both.” I answer honestly, my voice softer as I explain, “my watch has never completely stopped before.” I show them the pocket watch and they stare at its frozen hands, “this means that it’ll be quite a while before I’m able to travel safely by myself and more importantly with a passenger. I’m still trying to figure out how you even managed to follow me.”

“I was just thinking about how I needed to catch you.” Bucky looked around, scratching the back of his head, “I guess my determination is a lot stronger than I thought it would be.”

I smile gently, “guess so.”

“How long do you think it will take?” Present Bucky asked, his eyes casting down at me and I sigh, taking a stab in the dark.

“Maybe a month or two. _Maybe_.”I stress the word. “That’s the most optimistic estimate I can come up with right now.” I look at Bucky’s pained expression, “Buck-”

“Yes?” Both Bucky’s answered.

This was hurting my brain.

“Okay!” I exclaim loudly, making both Bucky’s jump. “To ease any and all confusion, I am going to set the record straight,” I point to present Bucky, “Happy Feet!” I bestow the name upon him and he groans in disgust before I point to the younger Bucky and he looks at me with a confused expression, “and Sergeant.” The young Bucky just raised one eyebrow in question, his eyes flicking from his older self and then back to me. “Those will be your nicknames from me and then you’ll know which Bucky I’m talking to, okay?” I explain.

“It oddly makes sense. But why are his feet happy?” Sergeant questioned, his innocent and purely confused expression nearly made me burst out into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

“You don’t wanna know, believe me.” Happy Feet answered, before he turned back to me.

“Listen, I can’t guarantee anything, but we just need to be strong, for at least two months. Can you both do that?” I look to both Happy Feet and Sergeant and they nod gently. “It’s a miracle we haven’t set off some paradox. I don’t think the world can handle two James Barnes’.” They both smile at that. “I know this isn’t going to be easy on you and you must have so many questions. Don’t be afraid to ask us anything, okay?” Sergeant nodded, smiling thankfully. “Now, I guess I should introduce myself properly to you,” I grin up at Sergeant and I hold out my hand, “my name is Y/N Y/L/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Sergeant James Barnes,” Sergeant took my hand in a firm grip, lifting it slowly. His eyes never left mine as he pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles, “and the pleasure will definitely be all yours later, doll.” He ended his flirty introduction with a sensual wink. It was an effective way to sort of push the fact that he just time traveled to the back of his mind. I was something from his time he could hold onto, even though I wasn’t even supposed to be there.

My knees feel weak.

“Oh, sweet baby Jesus.” I whisper breathlessly, my heart feels like it’s jack-hammering against my ribs with enough force to break them,  _‘I thought sourpuss over there was bad with his sexy brooding. God, what have I gotten myself into?’_  I implored silently.  _‘I can’t believe this used to be the Bucky I know now.’_

“Okay, that’s enough flirting. You’ll make her combust.” Happy Feet gently drew me closer to him, not far enough to make his other self let go of me, his metal fingers gliding along my jawline, “and I’m the only one able to make Y/N  _explode_.” He stressed the word, pouring as much salacious intent behind it as he could, “isn’t that right, baby-doll?”

 _‘Okay, I can believe it.’_  I swallow thickly, “uh.. well, mmm, y-you see, err. .” I couldn’t help but stutter as both Bucky’s worked together to wind me up just as the double doors opened.

“Hey, Time To-whoa.” Tony exclaimed, his eyes wide as he looked back and forth at both Bucky’s. “H-how and why? Who? Where? When?” He questioned nobody in particular as everybody lined up to see what was going on.

I think I’m flatlining.

“Buck?” Steve asked, eyes wide as he stared at both Bucky’s.

“Oh, this’ll be good.” I murmur, still in the two Barnes’ hold.

(..) 

“So…that’s why there are two Bucky’s next to you.” Steve mused, trying to wrap his brain around having 1944 Bucky with 2017 Bucky on either side of me.

“Uh, yeah, basically.” I was still in my skirt and long-sleeved button-down, my hair still curled and I could feel still feel the trademark red lipstick painted on my lips, the faint chemical taste assaulting my tastebuds. 

“I was chasing Y/N to get the information that Falsworth had written in the report of our most recent mission.” Sergeant explained as I gasped, remembering the paper I had taken with the snippet of the strange lightning bolts in the sky. I slip out of my sleeve and threw it to Tony before looking up at Sergeant.

“I had to erase any and all evidence of my being there, since I wasn’t even born then. My mission was to eliminate the enemies that got creative with my rifts and erase any and all knowledge of them. The first electric storm was of me arriving and the last one you saw was of my friends calling me home.” I explain, “you weren’t even supposed to know I was there, I got a little careless.”

“A little?” Nat questioned.

“Shut up.” Not missing a beat, I respond, pointing at her warningly with a teasing look in my eye.

“May I see the watch?” Bruce asked kindly, holding his hand out. I nod, plucking it from my lap, handing it to him as he flicks to cover open and inspects it, “and this has never happened before?” 

I shake my head, “the hands have  _never_ stopped. Slowed down, yes. But I’ve never brought someone who was in the past back to the present where they were alive and well.” I point to both Bucky’s, “like I told these two, it could take months before the pocket watch is completely recharged and ready for travel.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Tony asked, taking the watch from Bruce’s hand to inspect it also, his eyebrows furrowed gently. 

“No, the watch is my protector and guide. It’s a container of a bit of my power and that’s why I operate so well with it on my person. It’s a compass that is keyed through my own mutation. It’s not something that can be fixed with technological advancements and it’s not in sync with my needs. If I’m fatigued, it won’t slow its own recharge.”

 “You just said it’s a container, yeah?” Steve questioned. 

“Yeah.” I answer, _‘what is he thinking?’_

“And you say that if I ever did meet my younger or older self in this time and era, the whole of reality will disintegrate and time will stop.”

“What are you getting at, Cap?” I ask, intrigued.

“Maybe your watch is containing the outbreak of this paradox.” He pointed to both Bucky’s.

I snatch my watch back from Tony to look at it, ignoring his childish whine, like I’d just snatched his last cookie. “Jesus, I didn’t even think of that!” I look at Cap with a sly smile, “somebody’s been binge-watching Doctor Who again, haven’t they?”

Steve’s cheeks turned a soft shade of pink, “it’s a good show, what can I say? And it also helps me understand what you’re talking about, you’re so enthusiastic when you talk about time and vortexes and dimensions, I thought if I knew a bit more about it, you wouldn’t feel so awkward when you’re met with blank faces every time you spoke.”

Well, that made my heart flip, sometimes, Cap could be the cutest. “Who’s your favourite regeneration?”

“Tim Bagger.”

“I think you mean Tom Baker.” 

“Are you sure?”

Yep~,” I drawl, popping the ‘p’.

“Okay,” Nat interjects, “before we jump right off topic,” she glares at both Steve and I before continuing, “how long before your watch can’t contain the paradox anymore?”

“I don’t know. I’ve estimated a month or two before I’m able to take Sergeant back to his time. The last time I did something like this was when I saved the Titanic and I fixed that pretty damn quickly.” 

“You  _saved the Titanic?!”_  Wanda screeches.

“I had just developed my power and I had remembered about the Titanic. I wanted to do something nice, but I quickly found out that the universe does  _not_ like me tampering with fixed points in time.” I defend myself.

“That’s an established event, something that can’t and shouldn’t be altered.” Steve interjects, letting everyone know what I’m talking about. 

“Thank you, Steve.” I nod to him.

“So, did your watch contain that paradox too?” Bruce asked, his brows furrowed. 

“I couldn’t use the watch as well as I could now. Time was merging and disintegrating rapidly. At some point we had Pterodactyls flying around.” I turn to Tony, “you had one like a messenger pigeon.”

“I did?” Tony grinned, his back straightening with a cocky-grin lifting his lips. 

“No, you grape!” I laugh, “How do you fall for that, every time?”

Tony grumbled unintelligibly, “how did you fix it last time?” Happy Feet questioned, “you told me it’s next to impossible to travel correctly without it.”

“Next to, not completely. It took me nearly six months real time to get to the event I needed to and like I’ve always said, prolonged exposure to the vortex  _can_ be fatal. I nearly died from radiation poisoning because I didn’t have my watch to protect me.” I look to Sergeant before turning my eyes onto everyone else, “If I decide to take Sarge here, back to his time  _without_ my watch, I could very well kill him  _before_ his time and our Bucky will fade and the infinity of possibilities with a world without James Buchanan Barnes will cease. I won’t risk it. I refuse to.”

“We understand where you’re coming from.” Steve reassured, patting my leg gently. “We don’t want that happening either.” He pulled back before looking at everyone else, “it’s a waiting game now. Two months estimate before we even attempt to take Buck back, so now, we make him as comfortable as we can.” His steel blue eyes made contact with Sarge’s and he nodded to his childhood friend, “we got your back, bud.”

“Thanks, punk.” Sergeant quipped, bringing a gentle smile to everyone’s face.

“Y’know,” Tony started leisurely. That unsettles me, “Time Tot, that look suits you. It’s like you were made for the 40′s.” Tony commented and I sigh at his nickname for me, before smiling.

“You should see me in a Spartan helmet.” I grin, watching as everyone stops what they’re doing and both Happy Feet and Sergeant look down at me.

“Seriously?” Happy Feet asked.

“You’ve been to Ancient Greece?” Sergeant questioned.

“Story. Tell us. Now.” Wanda ordered, making me chuckle as Nat leaned forward, waiting for the story. Tony sat next to Bruce and Steve was in the armchair.

I sigh, chuckling once more, “so it was back when I first developed my powers and I did  _not_ have the pocket watch to guide me safely. So I had a lot of hits and misses. . “

Everyone was laughing by the end of the story.

“Hey! You wouldn’t find as funny if you had Leonidas chasing you and almost speared you in the backside!” I defend my actions, reminiscently rubbing my left hip, since my ass was comfortably molded by the sofa cushions. “I stress:  _almost!_ ”

Wanda was clutching at her stomach, tears in her eyes. Nat was chuckling, sipping at her beer, the mirth clear in her eyes, while Bruce was smiling, Steve was clutching at his left pectoral, laughing hysterically, Tony had fallen against the chair, giggling uncontrollably while both Happy Feet and Sergeant sniggered.

“You guys are assholes.” I pout.

Little did I know, that my problems were just beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, angst and a lot some flirting.
> 
> ||Please don’t repost anywhere or plagiarize||

Two weeks had rocketed past with no signs of change from my watch, but outside, in the sky. I could see the difference. 

This is all my fault. 

It didn’t matter what the others would say to me, this is my problem. 

I’m the only one that  _can_ fix this. I did this. I put this unnecessary burden on my teammates’ shoulders. I’m putting Bucky the pain of having to see his younger self every time he wakes up in the morning, having to remember the better memories that were unbridled with pain and blood. Yearning for the complicity of his former life.

I’m also responsible for Sarge’s pain of knowing what’s going to happen to him in the next year, what he’ll go through. To go through it is one thing, but to know it’s coming in the next year, is a whole other thing. 

To know that you’ll be conditioned and trained, used to become a weapon for the very organization you swore to put an end to, to know you will become an enemy of your country. You’ll be wiped to forget everyone you’ve ever loved, every single memory you’ve ever had, all your morals and your boundaries. Every single thing you know and who you are. 

Gone.

The sliding door to the balcony opened.

I jumped at the sound, a gasp working its way through my throat and out my mouth.

I turn to see Happy Feet standing on the other side, his hair tousled and damp. He had on a white tank top and a pair of gray sweatpants, his feet bare as he stepped out onto the cold concrete, closing the door behind him “you okay, kid?”

I turn back to to look up at the sky without another word, trying to calm my racing heart, “the stars are going out. There’s less than last night.” I muse, my voice quieter than I’d like it to be.

“Maybe the clouds are in the way and you can’t see them.” Bucky offers, moving so he was next to me, leaning on his elbows on the ledge of the glass barrier, also looking up. 

“Look,” I point, “no clouds. Trust me, Buck, I know every single star out there and millions are missing.” I pull the watch from my hoodie pocket and I look at it, “the container is starting to open.” 

Bucky sighs, “how long?”

“Judging by the rate the stars are decreasing,” I bite my lip, opening the watch to see its frozen state, “a month.” I glare at it before closing the latch and I shove it back in my pocket.

“Jesus. H. Christ.” Bucky blows out a deep breath, “cutting it kinda thin, aren’t ya, doll?”

“Trust me, if it was up to me, I would have taken Sarge back instantly.”

“I know you would have, doll. I know you would.”

I hum my agreement, before lolling my head to the side as I look at him, “you’ve sort of broken out of your shell when Sarge came through the portal.”

Bucky chuckles before looking up at the stars, contemplative. “How are we gonna pull this off, kid? I mean, the short amount of time we have is going to make this tough.”

“We?” I question, the word foreign to me when it comes to matters concerning my own mutation, “this is my fault, okay? I take full responsibility, therefore, I’m the only one that’ll be figuring out how to save your hide.”

“What?  _Only_ one?” Bucky asked, lifting up to face me, one brow lifted in question.

“I did this. It’s my problem to fix.” I answer blankly. 

“Sorry, doll, it doesn’t work like that. You may have had to fix what you did the last time, but, Y/N, you nearly died the last time, you told us.” Bucky growled, his large hands grabbing at my shoulders and suddenly he was nose-to-nose with me. “You say how you refuse to chance it with me or my younger self, well guess what?” Bucky’s teeth clenched, I could feel his minty breath wash over my face and his piercing eyes burning holes into mine, “I am not going to have you do this on your own, do you understand me, kid?”

“This is my problem.” I say, looking into his eyes. I must look so blank to him.

“No,” Bucky refused, “it’s centered around me, so, it’s also my problem. And what my problem is, is also Steve’s problem and what his problem is, is everyone’s else’s. I’m not letting you do this alone. Can’t you see, I’m tryin’ to protect you, doll! ”

“I’m not asking for your permission, Buck.” He huffs, letting go of my shoulders as he turns back to the balcony, running his hands through his long hair. He always does that when he’s frustrated. “I don’t need to be protected! I can do this on my own!”

“Well, you ain’t.” The same voice spoke from behind me. I turn to see Sarge, his dog-tags shining in the moonlight, his own undershirt fit his toned torso and he was wearing a pair of dark sweatpants with socks. His hair had no product in it, so his hair fell into his eyes, he was leaning against the rim of the open sliding door. “You got both of us.”

“We’re right, you know.” Happy Feet agreed with himself as I felt a warm hand against the small of my back as Sergeant leaned his hip against the fence as he rested on my left while Happy Feet was on my right.

“Do you have any idea of the danger there will be?” I look to my right, my eyes finding Happy Feet’s instinctively as I look to my left, “it’s not easy by any stretch and doing it in this tight of a time frame is nearly impossible!”

“So? What’s your point, doll?” Sarge mused, a crooked grin taking over his face.

We had spent quite a while together, since Happy Feet was on quite a few missions with Steve and the others. I couldn’t be of use to them without my watch and I was fine with that. I was getting a long-needed break and I was spending it with someone who needed me more than the missions. “You’re speaking to someone who doesn’t give a shit.” Happy Feet slowly slid his mechanical hand over my own, “and nearly impossible, not completely.” He threw my own words back at me.

I have never hated my own words more than now.

“God, I could seriously kill you two.” I growl, turning my gaze straight ahead, I could feel a scowl morphing my features.

“Can’t, It’d be paradoxical isn’t it, baby-doll?”

“Shut up, Sarge! Happy Feet, stop laughing, that was  _not_  funny!”

“Then why are you smiling, Y/N?”

“…shut up.” 

The next day, I had to tell everyone what I knew.

Otherwise Happy Feet and Sarge would have ratted me out to Steve, and I didn’t want to face a disappointed Steve. It actually breaks my heart to see Steve like that. So to spare myself, I caved.

It didn’t take long into my explanation until Bruce and Tony were sprinting toward the lab, trying to calculate how long it would be before the watch couldn’t contain the paradox. Nat and Clint would go searching for more information by way of their contacts, Thor had gone back to Asgard to collect information and Steve was on a mission that morning with Wanda, Pietro and Sam, so they couldn’t do anything.

I sat with Tony, pouring over books with astronomy, looking at local star systems. “Look at that.” I point to one, “this one’s gone.”

“Yeah, she’s right. That makes the count to-”

“twenty million.” I say in unison with Bruce, “that’s just in the Milky Way, may not seem like much, but that’s a significant amount for our solar system. No doubt some astronomers have taken an interest?”

Tony checked his phone before switching the screen up so we could all see, “see for yourself.”

Clicking on the play button, an official from NASA starts speaking,  _‘we do not know how this phenomenon has occured, but I assure you, we will find why and how and we’ll get to the bottom of it. We’ve got some of our best astronomers working on it, we will find out what’s going on.’_

“Don’t listen to NASA, remember what they did with that team on the Hermes?” I remind them, turning the page on one of the books, “plus, we’ll never get anywhere with them, we know the reason, they don’t.”

“That’s true.” Tony answered.

“We got a conspiracy theory, listen to this,” Bruce started, “ _’the cause of the stars disappearing overnight is the result of extraterrestrial beings coming to launch an attack for our resources, like the invasion in Manhattan five years ago.’_  He or she is serious about this one. What do you think? Intergalactic war?”

“I wouldn’t put it past those pesky aliens. We’re in need of a Time Lord now.” I comment sarcastically, making the two mad scientists chuckle. 

“I’ve got FRIDAY surveying the satellites. She’s searching above and below for anomalies, if there’s anything, she’ll tell us. Don’t beat yourself up over this, kiddo.” Tony reassured, touching my shoulder gently and I smile at him. 

“Thanks, Tony.” I answer him honestly.

“Y/N! We got a problem!” Happy Feet roared, carrying a mountain of books with Sergeant right behind him, looking flustered. 

My heart stopped. 

Were they hurt?!

I whirl around as Happy Feet dumps the books on the table, “boys, what’s the matter?” I ask, looking over both of them quickly. 

They weren’t hurt, thank God.

Sarge came forward and flipped the history book over to show me, “it’s not just the stars anymore.”

I look down to see the first few chapters, completely wiped.

The only section left untouched, you ask? 

World War II, 1944.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, angst and serious topics of depression, self-worth and nervous picking below. If you’re sensitive, I suggest you read with caution, if not at all. (I don’t know if it’s triggering or not, but I’m just letting you know in case)
> 
> ||Please don’t repost anywhere or plagiarize||

**_Third Person POV:_ **

_Y/N stopped and squint at the pages, before gently taking the book from Sarge’s hold._

_“We’ve still got time. It’s just branching out, that’s all. Let me see where it starts from, maybe I can figure out the source point, I can determine how long it’ll start erasing the more recent news events.” Y/N set the book down on the table, next to the others. Taking a quick glance, she noticed they were all history books. “Calm down, you two. It’s going to be alright. I’ve only done this once before, but I can remember how these things go.” She flipped through the book. “It starts erasing after the Boston Massacre in 1770 and it stops at the same time Sarge jumped through the portal with me. That’s approximately 174 years of time the paradox had completely disintegrated. We’ll remember everything, since we’re at the center, but everyone else will forget, this is normal. I’ll fix it.”_

Now, she was going through the vortex to assess the damage.

Y/N sighed gently, sitting on the balcony, her long leather jacket rustling in the strong wind, her hair pulled back by the hat she was given by a young boy in the 20′s, twirling the watch around her fingertips as she looked out at the sky. 

It was the same outfit she wore every time she was on a mission. She loved the jacket and the hat. Tight black jeans encased her long legs with high-heeled ankle boots clicking against the glass and she wore a t-shirt with her favourite band’s logo emblazoned on the front.

“Fuck,” she whispered, her voice tired. The dark circles under her eyes matched her tone and she grit her teeth in frustration, “I’m doing this for Bucky!” Her fingers drummed against the ornate silver cover before she shoved it in her back pocket, swinging her legs around and she landed easily on the ground. 

Walking back inside, she stood in the middle of the compound, both Bucky’s and the rest of the Avengers around her, watching her worriedly. “Are you sure about this, doll?” Happy Feet asked.

“I need to know the extent of the damage. I’ll be back soon, okay?” Y/N answered, smiling gently. 

“I will use the electric currents to feed through the rift you open, to give you a smoother tunnel through the vortex. It should ease the passage, though I cannot be certain how well it will aid your travels.” Thor explained, his own face full of concern for her.

“It’ll be fine, Thor. I’ll take what you can give me. I’m grateful for this.”

“Think nothing of it, young one. I will always help how I can.” Thor smiled gently at Y/N before he took position on the very top of the Empire State building to help her.

Steve sighed, looking at her as Sarge stood behind himself, unable to say a word as he watched her. “Please, be careful.” Steve murmured. 

“I promise. I’ll be back with answers quicker than lightning.” She slipped her hand into her pocket, drawing out the watch before she throws it to Sarge. “Look after it for me, I’m gonna need that when I come back.”

“You got it, doll.” Sarge grinned, but she could see it in his eyes. She could see the pain in his eyes. The worry that lined his face. It was the exact same look that Happy Feet was sporting. 

“You better come back, kid. It won’t be the same without you annoying me.” Tony grounded out.

“Is that your unique way of saying you love me like a sister?” Y/N teased.

“Among other things.” Tony smiled gently.

“Wanda and I will take good care of you as soon as you come back, you have nothing to worry about. We won’t let anything happen to you.” Bruce reassured as Wanda pulled Y/N in for a gentle hug.

“Thank you.” Y/N’s tone was sincere as she wrapped her arms around Wanda before pulling away. 

Nat started forward, touching Y/N’s cheek before kissing the other, whispering,  _“Оставайтесь в безопасности, обезьяна,”_ in Russian. Happy Feet knew exactly what she said and so did Y/N.

_**‘Stay safe, monkey.’** _

_**~~(I don’t know Russian and I used google translate for that sentence, I apologise if it’s not 100% correct or even 1% correct.)~~ ** _

“Always.” Y/N whispered back before Nat pulled away.

“See you guys, soon.” Y/N turns away, facing the open space in front of her before she reaches forward, delving her fingers into the seam of reality and ripping it apart, the majesty of the vortex shining through once again.

Turning back, she looked at both Happy Feet and Sergeant with a departing bright, mischievous grin before she jumped through the portal, falling through the infinity of the vortex and all its beauty.

Both Bucky’s were left with that image that was so her. 

Sarge looked down to the watch and it grew cold. It’s mistress was no longer in contact. It almost…felt lost without Y/N to guide it and keep it safe.

The others disbanded with worried expressions, working their hardest to find a way to stop the paradox until only both Bucky’s were alone.

“You feel it too?” Happy Feet asked, standing next his younger self who nodded. “She’ll come back.”

“Y’know, she ain’t no ordinary dame.” Sergeant commented, chuckling softly at his older self’s raised eyebrow. 

“You just noticed that now?” Happy Feet mused dryly.

“Nah, not like that. I mean, her abilities are the stuff of legend, but I’m talkin’ about her in general. She…she’s helped me a lot when I first arrived. It was the night you and Steve filled me in on what happens to us.” Happy Feet nodded solemnly, “and Y/N made me feel a thousand times better.”

His older self knew exactly what night he was talking about.

(..)

_**"Uh, Y/N, are you decent? May I come in?”**  Sergeant asked softly from the other side of the door, his voice sounded so tired and helpless that it melted all her annoyance away.  
_

_“Oh, sure. Come on in, Sarge.” Y/N quickly fixed her shirt and pulled the covers higher, so they covered from her waist down as he entered. As soon as he saw her form, he quickly averted his eyes and from what she could observe in the dark room, a faint pink tinge warmed his cheeks before he walked deeper in the bedroom, stopping at the foot of her bed._

**_(If you’re sensitive, don’t read please.)_ **

_He pushed the armchair closer to her side of the bed, before he sunk down, sighing, sitting as he normally would. Legs spread out, head leaning back against the back of the armchair and his hands resting on his chest. The only problem was that he picked at his fingernails, his eyes flickering from his ravaged fingernails to Y/N and back again lazily. He took a deep breath, like he was about to speak, before exhaling it._

_Hesitating._

_Happy Feet was like that too, at first._

_When he and Y/N started speaking more frequently and spending more time together, he’d get so nervous and hesitate to the point where he’d pick at his fingernails so deep, he’d start digging into the skin. He wasn’t the kind of nervous where he’d curl in on himself be timid._

_Nah, that wasn’t Happy Feet._

_He sat normally, like he was relaxing, but if his hands weren’t together, he’d use his thumb or index finger to pick lazily and his eyes would dart around the room._

_Y/N still don’t really know why he was nervous to talk to her._

_“Hey, if you need to talk, that’s fine. But don’t hurt yourself to boost your confidence.” She softly reminds him, taking his restless hands in hers and separated them quickly before he could do anymore damage to himself, “in your own time.”_

_“I’m sorry, doll. It’s just a bit of a habit I’ve always had since I was a kid when I was nervous. Haven’t done it since the war. Had to be strong for Steve, y’know?” He smiles painfully, trying to maintain his strong and confident front, but his leg bopping restlessly gave her a different impression._

_“Had to? Why the past tense?” Y/N questions, her head lolling to the side._

_Sergeant sighed, “this. . this is above my paygrade, doll.” He commented, chuckling silently, “everything going on here… it’s different. Not home. I look at Steve and he ain’t Steve. He ain’t the kid I used to protect. Not the Steve I know. He doesn’t need me anymore, I’m just a spare piece on his chess board now. I even look at **him** ,” he’s talking about himself now, “what he’s been through, what **I’m-** ” Sergeant took a shuddering breath, his hands starting to shake, “what I’m going to go through and it…it spooks me halfway to hell.”_

_Y/N can’t say anything, because it’s true._

_Steve is different from 1944 Steve, but those insecurities in Bucky didn’t just come through now, he’s had them a while. But, like any soldier, he focused on the war and put aside his personal feelings and protected Steve how he could with what he could do, but now, he wasn’t in a war right now._

_1944 Bucky is so different from the Bucky of today._

_Y/N won’t say that Happy Feet is a hardened war soldier, because he’s fighting his own battles, he has his moments of vulnerability, just as Sergeant does. Neither are weak by any means, but neither are completely detached from their emotions._

_They can still cry, they can still feel less than others, they can still feel hopeless, useless and worthless. They may be super-human, but they are still **human.**_

_That’s what she’s always tried to change in Bucky._

_His self-loathing_

_“It always hurts me when I see someone who is so wonderful and good. So beautiful on the inside, say that they aren’t needed. They aren’t important. It hurts me so much to see that you, James Buchanan Barnes, tell me you are useless. You might not have said it upfront, but it’s implied.” Y/N leans forward, looking into his tearing eyes. “You are **so**  very needed. So  **very**  much important. You are loved by your friends and nobody would ever call you useless or worthless.” She gently wipes a tear from his cheek, “you being here has brought so many things to light, huh? You might not think anything is worth it, but look at you now!” Y/N points to her closed door, vaguely gesturing in the general direction of his older self’s bedroom, “you’re better now. You’re doing so much and for so many people. Nobody would call you useless or worthless. You are so important and detrimental to all of us and  **especially**  to Steve.” Bucky used the palm of his hand to wipe the few tears that fell before smoothing down the hair at the back of his head. “Steve will always need his best friend and brother to make sure he doesn’t jump headfirst into enemy fire in reckless abandon.”  **That**  made Bucky chuckle. “You see? There’s nothing to worry about, even after all of this and with Happy Feet, you will always be needed. By Steve, a stranger on the street and even me. I will  **always** need James Buchanan Barnes by my side.” Y/N smiles gently, watching as that sparkle in his eyes slowly returned and his lips curled into a genuine half-smile._

_“Thank you, doll.” Bucky whispered._

_“It was my pleasure, **James**.” _

(..) 

“Y/N really helped me that night.” Sarge commented, his thumb running against the pattern of the watch.

“She’s something else.” Happy Feet whispered, his eyes returning to the spot that Y/N had left through her portal.

“She’s an angel.”

“I agree with you there.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, VERY ANGSTY, sickness.
> 
> ||Please do not respost or plagiarize||

**_Y/N POV:_ **

The toll on my body was enormous. 

Thor’s lightning helped to a degree, but even so, the radiation was stronger as the vortex tried to repair itself from the paradox. That’s something I should have taken into consideration before I decided to go jumping through a portal, headfirst. But, like Sergeant James Barnes, I didn’t think of the consequences to my own health. 

I just jumped.

The vortex’s beautiful blue infinity was starting to decay, turning gray and lifeless, so different from the glorious expanse of majesty I had seen so many times before. 

I’ve seen the symptoms of an entirely dead vortex and the prospect was daunting, but to know that the whole of time was dying and it was my fault and the fact that both Bucky’s could very well fade from existence, that tears my heart in two. 

I fall out of the vortex, landing in the same time as 1944, two minutes before the paradox was created, my back connects with the branches on the large tree before I land on the hard ground, groaning in pain, my vision blurry as I slowly roll off my back, feeling the cuts and bruises start to form as I cough hard, the air pushed from my lungs and I feebly get to my knees, looking over the brush that concealed my arrival. 

I obviously got the right time, since I was watching myself run, clutching the pocket watch tightly in my hold, a victorious smirk painted on my red lips, but all that changed, the moment that Sarge and Steve came bursting out of the underground bunker.

This is the time.

There was rapid fire from the soldiers around on Cap’s command and I watched as my unknowing self ripped this reality apart to get to the vortex and I jumped through, but I was a tad too late in closing the portal. Bucky pushed himself harder, determination plastered on his features as he launched himself bravely into the unknown.

 _‘Bucky!_ ’ Steve’s roar ripped through the air before the portal closed.

Everything slowed to a stop. Electric blue currents lit the sky, stopping everything in its tracks.

Time stopped.

This entire dimension rippled before stilling, blue remnants of the vortex tracing around the trunks of the trees and even around the frozen soldiers. Walking out from the cover of the bushes, I stumbled toward a frozen Steve, waving my hand across his face, but there was no recognition at all.

They were frozen in time.

I coughed gently, touching my chest and I could feel my racing heart.

My vision distorted once again and I lost my balance, leaning against the jeep, sweat pouring down my face as I shivered. “Fuck,” I whispered hoarsely, coughing harder as my lungs fought for air. 

I’d been in the vortex too long. God knows how long I’d been looking for this opening. I had to go back. 

_Now._

I had all the information I needed.

I struggled to stand, using the jeep for leverage and I propelled myself forward, opening the portal with the remnants of the rift from before and I jumped through.

Wrapping my arms around myself, there was only one thing I could think of. 

_Bucky._

Little did I know just how hard it would be to get back.

Praying to God, I got the right time, I rip a portal open violently, falling through, only to land on cold, hard cement. My body jerked as I heard pained screams that tore against my eardrums and chilled my body to the bone. 

_Oh, God, no._

_Please, no._

Grabbing onto the railing, I shakily pull myself up to see the Winter Soldier in the middle of being wiped. A barbaric method. I could hear Russian words being spoken, the words themselves making me see red:

“ _Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak_ ,” as Karpov continued saying the sequence, the Soldier visibly started to relax, his body twitching from the currents still running through his body, but his eyes started to darken, losing the life in them, even if that life was pain. All emotion gone, his body started to sink into the chair, “ _Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One_ ,” the Soldier’s breathing started to slow as the words took effect, changing his mind and the last word cemented his change, “ _Freight Car._ ” 

Tears blurred my vision as the Winter Soldier took the forefront and he looked to Karpov subserviently. I couldn’t even call him Bucky, because that wasn’t him. It was what they created from his need to protect. They warped his sense of morality and from the ashes of James, they created the Soldier.

My Bucky wasn’t there. 

A choked sob fought its way through my throat, but I pushed it down. No matter how much I wanted to jump down and twist Karpov’s head 360 degrees. I couldn’t interfere.

I did the only thing I could do in my weakened state. I left. Praying I didn’t have ever have to witness the birth of the Winter Soldier through the tortured mind of James Buchanan Barnes.

I turned my back and left.

(..)

**_Third Person POV:_ **

Bucky stood there, watching the same spot in which Y/N dematerialized from two days ago, with foreboding eyes. He could feel something wasn’t right.

It was in his gut. 

His younger self stood there with the same look in his eyes. He had grown so close to her and to know that she might come back incredibly sick or even worse, not come back at all-

-that was his biggest fear.

He looked over at his older self, seeing Happy Feet’s right leg shaking and his left hand whirred quietly as he clenched his fist tightly before letting it go and continuing the motion. 

His hair was tousled from running his fingers through it and he had dark circles under his eyes. Much like his older self, Sergeant hadn’t slept in two days. Sarge knew he probably looked as disheveled as Happy Feet and he could feel two days worth of stubble on his face, a stark contrast to the normally clean-shaven face he always maintained, even in the war. His hair was unstyled and he had to run his hands through the loose strands to tuck it behind his ears, so it didn’t obstruct his view.

Sarge knew that if Y/N wasn’t there and by some freak accident, he had fallen through some time rift, as she called it and ended up here, and she never existed, a lot would have been different without Y/N. To hell with the paradox.

Y/N was so important to him, past and present, she was changing his life and now, she was risking  _hers_ to save the world and to save him. 

He didn’t think he’d known anyone braver, apart from Steve.

There was a spark of blue in the spot where Y/N had left from, making both Bucky’s stand in hope. 

The portal was ripped open suddenly as Y/N tumbled out, falling on the ground, her shirt and pants ripped in certain places, bruises discolouring her skin. She made no move to stand, she didn’t move at all. The portal snapped shut behind her as Bucky dropped to his knees, gently rolling her on her back, seeing her pale skin, dark red circles under her eyes and the beads of sweat running down her temples. Her body shook violently but her eyes remained shut. 

Bucky raised his right hand and let it rest on her forehead before he snatched it away in shock, sweat stained his palm as he looked to his younger self with wide, worried eyes. “Get Banner and Maximoff, now!” He ordered and Sarge hesitated, looking at Y/N worriedly before he nodded and took off in the direction of the lab.

Bucky lifted her to rest against his chest, pulling off her hat and her torn jacket, her shirt stuck to her skin. He wiped his hand back from her forehead, swiping the strands of hair from her forehead. The locks were matted and clumped with sweat, nearly dripping. Her breath was shaky and uneven. “Oh, God, doll.” Bucky whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her clammy, hot forehead as he saw her ripped clothes and the bruises that accompanied, “what happened?” No words came from her pale, cracked lips as much as he wanted to hear her speak. He wanted to hear her voice, to let him know she was conscious. But there was nothing.

Y/N was sick. 

Not a moment later, Bruce and Wanda were racing toward him with a stretcher, the rest of the team accompanying them and Thor flew in, but his large smile was quickly replaced with worry and concern just as they all saw her, they slowed to a stop but Bruce and Wanda surged forward with Sarge hot on their tail, sliding in front of his older self, taking her clammy hand. Dr. Banner started instructing FRIDAY to take scans of Y/N’s vitals, lifting Y/N’s eyelid to check her pupils, they weren’t responding as quick as he liked.  _“Vitals are low, Dr. Banner, if you’re going to expel the radiation, it better be quick. She doesn’t have long otherwise.”_  FRIDAY’s disembodied voice spoke sadly.

Sarge and Happy Feet wanted to scream at FRIDAY for saying such words, but even they couldn’t argue. He couldn’t let her go now. He couldn’t lose her. He  _wouldn’t_ lose Y/N.

“Barnes, you need to let go of her.” Bruce spoke calmly, watching warily as Bucky’s left arm whirred as the mechanics inside tightened as he coiled his arm tighter around her torso.

“I need to stay with her.” Bucky growled. 

“And you will be, but we need to take her to the lab if we’re going to save her.” Bruce countered, but he could see that Bucky wasn’t letting go of Y/N.

“Bucky,” Wanda’s voice cut through the protective haze that had taken over Bucky’s mind, “we need to put her on the stretcher and take her to the lab, but you can come too as can Sarge. You know what Y/N would say if she were awake.” That snapped him out of it. 

Oh, the things Y/N would yell at him for this.

“She’d smack me for delaying you two.” Sarge answered softly, looking up, seriously at Happy Feet, “come on, Happy Feet. Let’s save our girl.” With a curt nod, they scooped Y/N up carefully and placed her gently on the stretcher.

Following Bruce and Wanda, both Bucky’s pushed the stretcher toward the lab, neither having run faster than they did in that very moment.

(..)

The extraction was a success, but nobody could celebrate.

Y/N was still unconscious and still incredibly sick. Her body desperately needed to recover and it didn’t look like it would be anytime soon. 

The Avengers were currently squished in the dimension jumper’s room, all eyes directly on her. Y/N was in her bed, shivering as Nat placed a cold compress of water and vinegar on her Y/N’s forehead. “It’s going to be okay,  _обезьяна.” Monkey._  It was Nat’s nickname for her, ever since Y/N joined the Avengers. 

Steve sat in the armchair, his elbows rested against his knees and his hands together in front of his face, watery eyes never leaving Y/N’s peaceful face.

Tony and Bruce rested their backs against the wall, running through thousands of equations to help her and make the healing process quicker, so she wouldn’t suffer any longer than she already had, even if her expression didn’t show, the predicament she was in was enough to spur them into action.

Clint and Wanda were in the corner as Wanda sniffled, hugging his midriff as Clint gently rocked her like he would a child. He was praying to any God that Y/N would make it and she would be okay.

Thor was leaning against the open doorway, Mjolnir was resting on the little display table Y/N had set with photos of her and the team, friends and family.

“How long was she in there for, Thor?” Steve asked quietly, she would have had to be in the vortex for a long time if she was this sick.

Thor straightened slightly, “a year and two days.”

Everyone tensed. 

She should be  _dead_. “Goddamn, she’s a stubborn shit.” Tony breathed, making everyone either smile or chuckle. 

“Damn right, she is.” Both Sarge and Happy Feet answered. They were on the ground on either side of her. Y/N’s left hand was in Sarge’s warm hold and her right hand was in Happy Feet’s. Their identical eyes never left her still form. 

And that was how they would all stay, until you would open your E/C eyes.

 No matter how long that would be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Sickness, fluff.
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagiarize||

**_Third Person POV:_ **

It had been a very tough week for the Avengers. 

There was no change in Y/N’s condition as far as they could see and they all took turns in taking care of her and trying to get her fever down as the others tried to get some sleep to replenish their minds.

It was only Happy Feet and Sarge that hadn’t slept. 

Even with the others helping, they never stopped fighting the exhaustion that was threatening to overtake them as Sarge gently dipped the compress in the water and vinegar concoction, straining it before laying it neatly against her forehead, to combat her still high fever.

“FRIDAY, how are her vitals?” Happy Feet asked, cradling Y/N’s clammy hand in his cool metallic one while two of his flesh fingers pressed against her pulse point.

 _“Her fever is starting to decrease, which is very good, her heartbeat and breathing are regular but I’d recommend a saline IV to boost her hydration, she’s still severely dehydrated.”_  FRIDAY answered.

“How soon can we get an IV drip?” Tony’s tired voice croaked from the corner  he was resting in, the pillow he had pinned between the wall and his head slipped behind his back and he rubbed his eyes, exhausted. 

 _“The nearest hospital is ten minutes away, I figure with your overbearingness, you could probably save yourself the trip and call them over the phone.”_ Tony couldn’t even think of a good comeback before he sighed.

“You’re probably right. I’ll have one here in five minutes.” Tony stumbled out of the small bedroom, the shades automatically opening as the sun started to shine high in the sky, waking the rest of the sleeping Avengers. 

Sarge’s fingers slid down from the compress, to Y/N’s peaceful face and he gently traced her cheek, his thumb running underneath her bottom lip, before he pulled away, setting the bowl on the nightstand. 

“Haven’t you two slept yet?” Steve’s voice filled the room and both Bucky’s turned to look at their best friend, his blonde hair in disarray and his blue eyes filmy from sleep.

“Napped, waiting for her to wake up.” They spoke in unison, watching the sleeping dimension jumper with soft, tired eyes. 

“You both need to sleep, Y/N would kill both you and us when she wakes up and sees that you’re both exhausted beyond belief. She’ll knock you out herself.” Steve spoke, firmly believing his mental image of Y/N grabbing the nearest hard object and smacking both Bucky’s with it, knocking them out cold before she too, returned to her own slumber.

“I’m too wired, punk.” Happy Feet answered back,  _hearing_  the roll of Steve’s eyes.

“Yeah, because the dark circles under your eyes and your constant yawning are signs of alertness. You’ve been napping for a week, I don’t care what you do, you can pitch a tent, you can can start a bonfire in the middle of the floor, Y/N would probably enjoy the sight. But. Go. To. Sleep.” Steve ordered, pushing both Bucky’s on the floor, throwing a pillow and both his and Tony’s discarded blankets at them, unperturbed of the glares he was receiving.

“You just don’t want to get in trouble when she wakes up.” Sarge mumbled, but he couldn’t deny that his exhaustion was overtaking him quicker than lightning.

“Damn right, I don’t. She’s terrifying when she’s mad.” Steve answered, a small grin on his face. He’d give anything to see that again. 

“She even scares  _me_ and that’s saying something.” Nat answers, sitting up with Wanda as Clint starts to stir.

Thor and Bruce walk into the bedroom, disheveled but carrying coffee, distributing the cups to the others and with Steve’s order not give any coffee to either Barnes, they walked out of the room with a concerned look toward Y/N.

“We’ll leave and let you sleep. I’ll come in to check on her later.” Steve assured, walking out with the other Avengers and both Bucky’s settled into the pillows on either side of Y/N as they rested over the bed, cocooning themselves into the blankets and within seconds, they were asleep.

(..)

True to Steve’s word, he checked on Y/N periodically, also checking on both Sarge and Happy Feet, to make sure they were okay.

It was hard, having both Bucky’s under the same roof, never mind the paradox and everything else, having his old friend, Sergeant James Barnes, the untouched Bucky, the Bucky of before. Before everything in their lives was turned upside down. 

Steve sighed, leaning over a sleeping Sarge to dip the compress into the bowl, straining it before setting it back over her forehead, before he walked back out, gently closing the door and he left once again.

Bruce and Tony managed to set up the IV without waking either Barnes, though it wasn’t easy. They both noted that there was no reaction from Y/N whatsoever. 

“It’s never been this bad before, Tony.” Bruce whispered as the billionaire playboy gently closed the door behind them and he sighed.

“She’s never been exposed to the vortex without her watch for that long. The longest she’s been is six months. I read the calculations, she nearly died and it took her weeks to recover. We’ve been trying to come up with countermeasures for three weeks and two days. We’re coming up to the one month mark, we don’t have a lot of time left and this,” he pointed to the door, “this is a serious blow in the gut for us. Y/N Y/L/N, is the world’s leading authority on time, spatial and dimensional travel. She knows more about it than Steven Strange and that’s saying something. If she’s down, we’re all blind.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Bruce, the voice of reason speaks. 

“Not without Y/N.” Tony answers, shutting Bruce down easily. 

He’s right.

Without Y/N, there’s nothing they can do to stop the world from ending.

(..)

**_Y/N’s POV:_ **

_Where am I?_

_Hello?_ _Is anyone here?_ _It’s dark._ _I can’t…I can’t feel anything. Bucky? Please, Bucky if you’re there, please help me. I don’t know where I am. I can’t use my powers. It’s so dark I can’t see._

_Sarge?_

_Happy Feet?_

_PLEASE ANYBODY?!_

_Bucky?_ _Please, Bucky, help me, please find me. You always do._

I see a silhouette.

_Hello?!_

It’s blue, swirling and beautiful and I can just make out a man, he’s reaching for me and I can hear a voice. It’s so far away. 

 _“Y/N. .”_ He’s calling me,  _“Y/N, I’m here. . come back. .”_

_Bucky?_

_“Follow my voice.”  
_

Another silhouette slowly takes form next to the first one. He also has the same build.

_“Please, if you can hear me, please.”  
_

_I’m here! I’m over here!_

_“Follow my voice.”  
_

_Where?! Follow it where?!  
_

They don’t answer.

They’re faceless, motionless. There’s nothing pertaining to their existence apart from the voices. I try to move, but I can’t. I can’t even feel my legs. How can I get there if I can’t move?

 _“Wake up, Y/N. Wake up for me, please.”_  The voice was getting clearer,  _“please wake up. I don’t want to lose you.”_ The voice begs, breaking as muffled sobs start to flood my eardrums.  _“Please… please wake up… for me.”_

_Bucky._

(..)

**_Third Person POV:_ **

Steve sighed, his back to the door of Y/N’s door. 

He didn’t want to enter, to see her hooked up to an IV. Even if things were looking up for her health, she’d been unconscious for a week, that wasn’t normally the case.

Normally, if she was sick, she would be sleeping for a day or two but for the rest of her recovery, she’d be awake, alert, able to help and contribute as much as she could in her condition. 

This wasn’t like those times, this scared him more than any of those times. He didn’t want to believe it, but, Y/N could never wake up. She had spent little over a year in the vortex without protection, a dangerous feat. Who knows what that kind of exposure does to the mind, let alone the body? 

Sighing once more, Steve made a move to leave.

 

That’s when he heard it.

A soft whimper.

His heart plummeted.

Present Bucky was having a nightmare.

“Y/N…Y/N. .” He chanted, his voice was cracking, full of emotion and Steve heard the soft restless movements of Bucky, his whimpers turning louder. He was dreaming of her. Of course he would, he was stressed out of his mind, hoping she’d wake up and she’d be okay. Bucky’s voice broke into gut-wrenching sobs, then it stopped.

Concerned, Steve opened the door instantly to comfort his friend and stopped, his eyes wide with shock.

As if it was just out of a movie, Y/N was awake, her hand softly running through Bucky’s long hair and he was sleeping, undisturbed as her soft humming filled the room, her other hand was running through Sarge’s hair and his breathing was calm. The compress was discarded next to the bowl as Y/N, still pale and sickly had a small smile on her face as she comforted Bucky softly, her tired E/C eyes never left his sleeping form. 

“They haven’t been sleeping have they?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Sickness, fluff, major character upheaval!
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagiarise||

**_Y/N’s POV:_ **

I coughed softly, patting my chest and everyone jumped toward me as if I was about to spontaneously combust. I sigh. This happens every time. “How much time have we got?”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry-” Steve speaks but Tony cut him off.

“and you shouldn’t have to worry about it-” Tony was promptly spoken over by Bruce.

“yeah, we can handle this-” Nat interrupts him.

“you have nothing to worry about-” Thor easily uses his booming voice to get his point across.

“so that means you stay in bed and focus on getting better-” Clint has to yell to be heard over Thor.

“under any circumstances-”

“we can wait for you to heal-” Sarge is clearest as they are both by my sides as Happy Feet finishes his sentence for him.

“and recover and-” He’s screamed over by Wanda.

“we will deal with the rest-” Wanda’s voice is nearly lost in the commotion.

They started falling over themselves, talking over each other and getting louder by the second. 

_Oh, my head._

“ _SHUT UP!_ ” I roar, clutching my temples. My scream echoes through the room and peaceful silence is the only thing that remains. “Jesus, Lord Almighty, you people are loud.” I groan in pain.

They, again, apologised in unison.

“If any of you, tell me not to worry about something like this, I will personally drop you off into the Jurassic Age and leave you there, am I understood?” They all nod, looking down in shame. “Now, how much time have we lost?”

“Since you’ve been asleep?” Tony asked, “a week and two days.”

I groan, “shit.” Taking the glass, I sip at the water before setting it down, “we’ve lost three weeks. We don’t have long, which means we only have five weeks before the window opens and I can finally use the watch again to get Sergeant here,” I point to the younger Bucky that’s by my side, “back home.” 

I missed the look on his face.

“It’ll take you weeks to recover.” Happy Feet argues, “you can’t do anything extraneous like that. I won’t let you.” His metal hand gripped mine tight, not tight enough to hurt me. He’s always been careful like that.

“I don’t plan to do something like going into the vortex unprotected again. Five weeks is plenty of time for me to recover and rest up before fixing the paradox.” I reassure, running small circles against the back of his hand. He couldn’t feel it like he could on his right, but the pressure was enough to calm him. “I got this.”

“That’s what you said last time.” Sarge mumbled, earning a soft slap on the back of the head. He chuckled, scratching his head. 

“Thor, I want you on lightning detail, the rift should still be open from the last time I fell through, I didn’t close it properly. I want you to check the decaying process of the vortex, that should give us a solid indication of how fast it’s travelling, rather than relying on history books and star systems.” Thor disappeared down the hall as I turn to Tony and Bruce, “that doesn’t mean that we should stop watching and referring to them. I want you guys keeping track of that, please.” Both Tony and Bruce nodded, already chatting away as they left my bedroom, “Nat, Clint, talk to some of your sources, maybe someone in SHIELD is somewhat versed in the laws of and dimensional and time rifts.” Clint and Nat agreed before leaving my bedroom also, “Wanda, Steve, think you can track down Dr. Strange for me?” 

“You got it, doll.” Steve grinned as he and Wanda left.

“What about us, doll-face?” Sarge asked, his big worried eyes staring up at me as Happy Feet finished his sentence as usual.

“You two, are going to be looking after me. Like you have been for a week and two days. And do you know what would be so helpful to my recovery?”

“What?!” They leaned up toward me like eager puppies.

_Perfect._

In a span of a millisecond, I grabbed the wet compress and slapped them with it hard, the liquid left a wet residue on their cheeks and made a satisfying sound when it connected with their identical faces, “you can fucking sleep!” I roar, dropping the cloth on the floor, “Jesus! You two jackasses need a lesson in  _‘Why Sleep is Important and Detrimental to the Human Race 10-fucking-1′_!” I proceed to grab my pillow and with as much power as my feeble body is able to muster, I beat them within an inch of their lives, “and-”  _whack_  “you-”  _whack_ “know-”  _whack_  “what-” _whack_ “that-”  _whack_  “means?!”

 And a flurry of whacking for good measure.

“We need sleep!” Happy Feet was cowering on the bed, trying to evade my pillow pummeling.

“We know!” Sarge cries, protecting his head with his hands. 

“Then go!” I throw the pillow back on top of the other behind my back, “right now. Hop to, soldiers!”

“Yes, ma’am!” They stand up from the bed, their backs straight and stiff as a board as they snapped a sharp salute, before running out of my bedroom, to their own sleeping quarters to catch up on some much needed rest as per my orders. 

I sigh, exhausted as I settle back in the covers, rolling onto my side as I cuddle Happy Feet’s discarded pillow and I hug it to my chest, inhaling his scent, ready to rest some more, “those boys.” I yawn gently, falling into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

* * *

The next day, both Sarge and Happy Feet were stuck to my sides like shit on velcro. I regret asking them to stay by my side, I shouldn’t have said a word. 

I’m sitting on the couch, in my robe with my IV next to me with Happy Feet and Sarge on either side with Dr. Strange on the opposite armchair, sipping at his tea. “So, instead of taking him back right away, you let this get so much worse? I’m not your cleaner, Y/N, you should be handling this on your own.”

I could feel my eye twitch. “First off, you know I can’t travel without my pocket watch and I wasn’t about to risk an even bigger paradox by erasing James Buchanan Barnes from history, now was I?”

“But you already did, otherwise you wouldn’t be hooked up to an IV with a saline drip. Which begs the question, how long were you in there for? I’ve treated you for the six months you were in the vortex for. You didn’t need an IV for that.” Steven’s eyes followed my body and then to my eyes, which must have been sunken in.

“A year and two days.” His eyes widened with shock, “I know, I look good for someone that should be dead.” I grin, applying some chapstick carefully to my cracked lips.

“How did you survive?” Steven’s voice was soft, barely audible. 

“I have a great response team.” Flicking my eyes to either Bucky, who smiled back at me.

Strange sighed, running his hands through his greying hair, “you realize what your paradox is doing to the other dimensions?”

“I know the consequences, I just need your help to fix my watch.”

“What do you think I can do?” Strange asked, settling back in the armchair as he sips at his tea.

“Well, Doctor, I know you use that lovely little necklace of yours to loop time. I know. I’ve had to clean up quite a few of your messes before. But right now- I’m begging you to use that power one more time.” Sarge tosses my watch to Strange who catches it. “Please, it’s the only way I’ll be able to go without hurting myself or more importantly, Bucky.”

Strange looks at me, sighing as he inspects the watch. “Leave it with me. It’ll be tricky but I’ll see what I can do.” 

“It stopped three weeks and two days ago, that should narrow things down for you.” Happy Feet interjected, taking my hand as Steven nodded, standing. 

“See you when I see you, Y/N.” Dr. Strange left and I sigh, slumping against the couch.

“I’m going to go for a shower, will you be okay?” Sarge asks us.

“Always, Sarge. You go, get cleaned up.” I quell his hesitation and his worrisome expression changes into a soft smile and he pinched my chin gently and I smile as he walks away, before turning my attention to Happy Feet.

“Can we go outside? I’d like some fresh air.” I ask and with a gentle nod, Happy Feet helps me to my shaky feet and we slowly make our way to the balcony as I held onto the IV as it trailed by my side. 

Resting heavily over the railing, I take deep breaths of crisp night air, sighing as I look up to the cloudless sky. “Been quite a while since I’ve been able to do this.” I close my eyes, enjoying the soft breeze.

“Y/N. .” Happy Feet’s voice cut through my tranquil haze. 

My eyes snap to his instantly, only to see dark sorrowful pools of blue-gray, “what’s the matter?” My voice is soft, concerned. 

“I was. . “ he stops, his eyes squinting slightly, he was hesitant, “I was so scared I was going to lose you.” His voice is so quiet I almost don’t hear him, “you don’t understand just how worried I’ve been.” His eyes meet mine, “I could have lost you.” His hands grip at my upper arms, his metal arm cold as his face was so close to my own. “I was so fucking scared, baby doll.”

“I promised you I would never leave you. I don’t break my promises, Buck.” I whisper back, lifting my hands to gently brush the sides of his torso. “I’m not about to give up now, just because I got a little sick.”

“It was more than a little, Y/N, don’t fucking try to play it off!” Bucky growls, his face pressing closer until our noses were touching, “you were on the brink of death and there was nothing I could do, nothing I could fucking think of to help you.” His eyes are alight, “I am never going to let you do something that reckless and stupid ever again. You’re not gonna become another Steve.” Bucky implores, his grip tightening. Not enough to hurt me.

“I know, Bucky. I know.” I touch his cheek, trying to calm him down. 

“Promise!”

I sigh quietly through my nostrils, never taking my eyes off his own wild ones, “I promise, James Buchanan Barnes, I promise to never leave you and to never be so stupid and reckless, and I promise, to never be like Steve.” I vow, smiling gently as he slowly starts to relax, “you done, soldier?”

He smiled as I gently squeeze his chin, looking up at me, “it made me realize something, doll.”

“What was that?” I ask, my hand sliding back up to cup his handsome face.

“If you were going to die, I would never have had the chance to do something I’ve wanted to, for such a long time.” Bucky answers, his eyes flicking down to my lips before meeting my eyes once more. His hands slid from my arms, to my back and encircled me. The mechanics in his left arm hummed as he pulled me closer to his large, muscular body.

Everything else slowly started to melt away. 

“And what’s that?” My voice is a mere whisper, my heart pounding against my rib cage, my breathing starting to quicken. 

I can feel his breath.

“This.” Bucky closed what little distance was left and our lips met in a soft, searing kiss.

The whole of reality ceased to exist at that point as our lips moved in synchronization. My cracked lips didn’t seem to faze him at all as I maneuvered my head to the side to deepen the kiss, my hands travelling upward. My fingers braided themselves in his long hair as our mouths opened.

Teeth clinked and tongues clashed, lips separating, only to be met once more in a flurry of sensual activity. 

“Ahem.” A loud, obnoxious throat-clearing tore us apart. 

I snapped my head to the door to see who the intruder was, only for my heart to stop completely. A betrayed, looking Sergeant was there, eyebrows creased and identical eyes filled with rage and sorrow. 

“I’ll leave you two alone then.” Spitting the sentence out, James slammed the sliding door shut, the force hard enough to break the reinforced glass with ease as he walked away, unperturbed by the loud noise. 

“Oh, fuck.” Happy Feet whispered.

_‘Oh fuck’ is right._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Anger, bitterness, lots of sadness and tears.
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagiarize||

The next three weeks were torture. 

Sergeant refused to come anywhere near me after the kiss he had walked in to with Happy Feet and I. Happy Feet wasn’t having much luck either and he was dealing with  _himself._

It was getting closer to the height of the paradox and my watch hadn’t been returned, nor had we laid out a plan.

Thor had calculated at least one more week before the vortex was dead, which means we lost one week. The stars were nearly gone and all history books were empty, apart from that section of 1944. I’d gone outside once and all of time had congregated here, in the present, Pterodactyls were flying around- notable historical figures had reappeared and passed scientists and inventors had brought forth new things that never should have been created or completed. 

The entire of our reality was distorted and it was all my fault. 

I was cleaning the dishes from our somber dinner when Sarge dropped his plate and glass in front of me roughly, his eyes flickering up to mine with blank emotion. “Please, James, can we at least talk about this?” I plead for the millionth time.

“What the hell is there to talk about?” He snarls, eyebrows pulled together in a murderous glare.

I flinch at his angry tone, stopping the tap and I grab the hand-towel, drying my hands before turning my head to look up at him, “for starter’s: the kiss.”

“It happened, what else do you want to discuss?” James’ voice was cold, his strong jaw clenching as he moved closer to me. 

“Why are you ignoring me, why are you acting like this? Three weeks of fucking nothing! I want an answer!” I growl, at my wits end after three weeks of radio silence from the young, lovable Sergeant Barnes.

“Because you kissed him!” He roared at me, violently gesturing out the arch where Bucky was no longer lingering, probably having walked off with Steve.

“ _He_ is  _you_!” I yell back, poking his chest hard, not dwelling on the fact that his chest was hard, muscled, even though he was a little on the lean side, a stark contrast to his older self.

“No, he’s not!” James screamed, grabbing my shoulders, nearly shaking me. “We’re not the same person! He’s damaged and broken.  _I_ am right here!  _You_ kissed  _him.”_

 _“What’s wrong with that?!”_ I screech, my throat tearing at the volume.

James scoffed, pulling away, “if you can’t see it, then you don’t even deserve to know,  _doll.”_ He spat the affectionate term like an expletive. “Y’know, you claim to know so much about the past and future, being able to observe nearly anything, but you can’t even see what’s in front of you, right here, right now.” James moved closer so our noses were barely inches away, “that’s your flaw and it always will be. You’re always looking ahead or from behind, you can’t even look _forward_.” My blood ran cold at his poisonous words as they cut deep through me, tears springing to my eyes no matter how hard I tried to push them down.

I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. 

I wanted to turn away, I wanted to run and scream at him for being wrong, I wanted to hit him and get in his face, but I couldn’t. Because no matter what- I could never hurt him. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever do that, especially when he’s  _right_.

James turned to look at me just as he stepped out of the arch, beautiful blue eyes turned to stone as he spat these last words, “I’m glad I’ll be forgetting all of this in a few days time.”

 _That_ broke me.

As soon as he was out of my line of sight, I cracked, falling to the ground, cradling my knees to my chest as if that would stop the pain. There was a agonizing wail that sounded through the room. Tears made tracks down my face. I sucked in a ragged breath, only to realize that it was  _me._ I was making that blood-curdling wail. 

I didn’t hear him come in, nor did I feel his presence slide to the floor next to me until his large arms wrapped around my middle and pulled me onto his chest, cradling me like a child with a wonderful scent that only this man could have and make me feel so safe, even though my entire world was breaking apart.

_Steve._

“It’s going to be alright, Y/N.” He whispered, dropping gentle, fatherly kisses on my forehead as he rocked my hysterical frame back and forth. “It’ll be okay.”

“How?! How is it going to be okay if I don’t know what he’s talking about.” I sniffled into his chest, a wet patch started to stain his clean shirt, my arms clenched around his middle like a five-year-old.

His large hand smoothed my hair down, something that always soothed me since I was a child, “look forward and you’ll know.” He whispered in my ear.

I rolled my eyes, my breathing still a little shaky, “fucking riddles, I hate ‘em.”

Steve chuckled quietly, my body bouncing with his laughter, “language.” He reprimanded softly which only caused me to giggle sadly and burrow deeper into his chest as he tightened his hold around my ball-like form.

(..)

I don’t know how I ended up in bed, but I was tucked under the toasty covers with Bucky watching me as he lay down beside me. I rubbed the sleep from my scratchy eyes and I swallowed, my throat sore from screaming. “Hey.” I whisper.

“Hey, doll, I heard about your screaming match with me.” He sighed, taking my hand in his metallic one. 

“Yeah, I’m surprised the whole of New York didn’t hear us.” I croak, my throat too torn to go above a whisper at the moment as I watch his warm, loving eyes trace over my sleepy face. 

“What did he tell you?” Bucky inquired softly, his cold, metal fingers drifted up my arm, along my neck and tracing my cheek gently.

“Short version? He’s pissed that we kissed, insulted me that I always look ahead and behind, never in the present and the icing on the cake, was that he told me he was glad that he would forget everything of here.” Bucky sighed, his eyes closing in exasperation.

“Don’t take him seriously, he always says things when he’s angry.” Bucky reassured, “he doesn’t mean it.”

“You both make it sound like you aren’t the same person. Last time I checked, you had the same DNA.” I mumble, picking at my nails.

“We  _do_ have the same DNA, but don’t misconstrue that for being the same person. Because he’s right, doll.” I stare up at him, my eyebrows pulling together. “We’re both very different, I don’t think of him as my younger self, and I’m sure he feels the same way about me. You used to know that, but since you’ve been living with both of us, you’ve gotten used to seeing us as the same, when we’re not,” Bucky explained softly, his voice was so soothing, “the way he sees it, is that you’re kissing somebody else.”

“But why would he care so much? Why would he get so jealous?”I question, gripping his shirt in my fists as I bring him closer.

“Ah, now that, I can’t tell you. That’s something you need to figure out on your own.” Pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of my nose, I sigh in defeat, “just look forward, okay, baby-doll?”

I still have no idea what that means, but I nod anyway.

What the hell am I going to do?

(..)

It was time.

Strange had returned my watch to me but he didn’t have the chance to do anything to it, it had started ticking on its own, which meant it was nearing the high point of the paradox.

It was the end.

James had put on the uniform he was wearing before and I had changed in jeans and one of Sarge’s undershirts that he’d be leaving behind, with the same ankle boots I’d worn in my last mission. The shirt was too big for me and slipped off my shoulder like a fashion statement but I didn’t care. I wanted to wear it, because it reminds me of him.

The group surrounded us as I effortlessly tore a portal through our reality, only to see the dead vortex inside. My hands shook in fear and I quelch the overwhelming need to scream and burst into tears at the second time I’m looking at something so utterly beautiful be extinguished by my hand.

With my watch in one hand, I open the latch and I look over at everyone, “I’ll be back soon.” I wish I could put some emotion, or even some life into my voice, in myself but I just couldn’t find the energy to do so, before Sarge said his goodbyes to everyone. 

Giving himself a strong handshake, he strode forward and entered the vortex without so much as a look to me. Without looking to my team, I enter the vortex and move behind James, but my mind is far off from the target I need to be thinking of. 

Look forward.

Look forward, Y/N! 

What did I miss, that changed in him? 

 _‘Are we still on to cut a rug tonight, baby-doll?’_ The night everything changed. He was flirting with me, it was an interest in my character, not me- surely.

 _‘I was just thinking about how I needed to catch you.’_ Sarge had said that when we’d come through back into my time. _‘I guess my determination is a lot stronger than I thought it would be.’_  Only someone who felt a deep connection to the person they were thinking of, could easily push through the vortex to where they needed to go. He was thinking of me the entire time.

The vortex feeds off emotion connected to the thought, determination wouldn’t have gotten as far as it did.

 _‘Sergeant James Barnes, and the pleasure will definitely be all yours later, doll.’_ Sarge was still flirting with me even though he’d just found out who he thought I was- was a ruse. I had brushed it off with the thought of I was just a sense of his former past, something he could still hold onto despite being in unknown territory. Maybe there was more to it.

 _‘I even look at **him** , what he’s been through, what **I’m-,** what I’m going to go through and it…it spooks me halfway to hell.’ _James trusted me so much, thought of me already close enough to talk about his problems to, his own worries and fears when he came from a period where fear got you killed. Instead of trusting Steve or  _himself-_ he came to me. I could never live without my James. 

 _‘I’m going to go for a shower, will you be okay?’_ He always put my well-being above his, it was one of the many things I loved about him.

 _‘I’ll leave you two alone then.’_ The look of utter despair and heartbreak on his face was enough to break my heart all over again, the rage and betrayal were prominent in his eyes. The utter pain I felt when he walked away. It was like someone had just ripped my heart out.

 _‘Because you kissed him!’_ The obvious broken tone in his voice was more prominent now than before, dismissing the anger in his face, the only thing I could see in his eyes, apart from the cold front that had been set in, was hurt.  _‘We’re not the same person! He’s damaged and broken. **I**  am right here!  **You** kissed  **him**.’ _The words were laced with the ache of his broken heart and the many tears he must have cried. ‘ _If you can’t see it, then you don’t even deserve to know, **doll**.’  _I couldn’t see what was so clear in front of me, my heart had already been ripped out, but that was the boot that smashed my heart into pieces.

 _‘The way he sees it is, is that you’re kissing somebody else.’_  Bucky’s words echo back into the forefront of my mind.

It made sense now.

How could have I been so fucking blind?

Turning my eyes to his form, his eyes were wide, the doorway to his time in history was ready to be opened. He must have seen what I was thinking. James’ lips parted slowly, his tongue snaking out to wet his lips as if he were about to speak, but no words were uttered from his perfect mouth.

I move closer, not touching him. Just moving closer to him and he doesn’t make an effort to move back, he stands his ground.

“Say it.”I whisper, my voice carrying in the dead vortex, “say it once before you leave me.” James chewed on his bottom lip, tears threatening to drip down his cheeks as he slowly reached up and framed my face with his large palms. “Please, just say it.”

“You,” his voice was hoarse, “you say it first.”

My vision blurred with tears as I finally reached up, fixing a lock of hair back into place before my hand found purchase against his clean-shaven cheek, 

“I-


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Violence, sadness (lots of sadness) .
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagiarise||

The sound of an inhuman screech echoed from behind us, cutting my sentence short.

Whirling around, I see monstrous disfigured creatures racing toward us. “Y/N, what the hell are they?” Sarge demanded, raising his firearm in defence.

“Bullets won’t work, that’ll only make them mad.” I slowly push his rifle down, never taking my eyes off the creatures.

“What are they?” Sarge’s tone was urgent as his hand slid into my own, holding on tightly.

“The last counter measure of the vortex, to make sure nothing gets in or out. I’ve had to face these guys once before. The guardians of the vortex,” I can feel my body start to tremble as I brace myself, “pretty damn hard to beat.” I turn to face him, “when I say, punch the one in the front, I’ll take care of the one on the left.” Sarge nodded and readied his free hand. Their snarls and growls increased in volume as they neared. I watched from the corner of my eye before ducking. “Now!”

With perfect form and precision, Sarge’s fist flew from its dormant position by his thigh and connected powerfully with the guardian’s face as I stuck my leg out and sweeped it hard, taking the other’s legs from under it and they both stumbled away from us.

I stand up, moving back as they roar at us angrily and I sigh, “they’re getting ready to come at us, full force, I don’t think I can take both of them, I’m still trying to recover.”

“I’ll take the one I hit.” Sarge stepped up, glaring at the creatures.

I look up at him with wide eyes, “are you sure about this?” My hands are already shaking, if I push myself too hard, I’ll collapse and I’ll be nothing. Weeks of inactivity has led to my body being unfit for extraneous physical combat, but when I looked at James, his expression was determined, eyes hard and his legs were shoulder-width apart. Hands clenched into fists as he clenched his jaw. 

“Don’t worry about me, doll. I’ll be fine.” James reassured, his eyes flicking toward me with a cocky grin, “I’m a survivor, remember?”

“There’s my Sarge.” I smile softly, ignoring the monsters screeches before we turn back to our rapidly approaching opponents, “don’t fall behind, geezer.”

“Geezer, huh? Would you like me to show you just how spry I can be, Y/N?”

“Maybe later when we’re alone, handsome.” I didn’t even mean to say it, it just came out of my mouth like word vomit. From the corner of my eye, I could see a small, mischievous grin overtake his solemn and serious expression. 

“I’ll hold you to that, baby.” I shivered at his suddenly deep and alluring voice. 

“I said _‘maybe’_.”

“With you, _‘maybe’_ means  _‘yes’_.” With another piercing roar, both Sarge and I readied ourselves. 

“Shut up, you. Oh, and only old men say spry.” Was the last thing I was able to say.

(..)

**_Third Person POV:_ **

Flipping over the creature, and still in the air, Y/N turned her body and kicked it in the middle of its spine, shunting it forward, away from her. She clutched her dislocated arm as she landed heavily on her feet. There was no way to put it back in its socket if she didn’t get hit the right way. Flicking her eyes to James, he was holding his own rather well, bruises and marks adorned his handsome face, his hair was a mess and his clothes were disheveled, but the guardian looked worse than he did. 

Groaning in pain, she turned her eyes back to her adversary who was already charging toward her again, its face mangled by her punches and kicks to it, but it was still charging forward, its right leg was twisted in an unnatural angle and its left wrist was turned right around, but it was still coming for her.

Y/N wasn’t faring particularly well either, her right shoulder was dislocated to the point where she couldn’t put it back in herself, her bottom lip was cut and swollen, her left eye was sporting a blooming blue bruise around it and it was getting harder to see with the swelling, she could feel that one of her ribs were cracked due to the searing pain every time she inhaled. 

She had to time this right.  

Its right arm was raised and poised, ready to make contact. Dread filled every nerve of Y/N’s body but this had to happen and it was going to be  _incredibly_ painful. 

At the last moment, Y/N swerved to the left and the monster’s arm slammed into her right shoulder and with a sickening crack, shoved it back into its rightful place. With an agonized scream, she pushed through the pain, raising her right arm and snapped it into the creature’s ‘cheek’, and it flew away from her. 

“Y/N!” Sarge’s voice rang through the vortex as he turned to see her, teeth clenched and in severe pain as she gripped at her right shoulder which was now in place. 

“Don’t take your eyes off them! One distraction and they’ll take you apart!” Y/N roared, shakily getting to her feet, “don’t worry about me. This is nothing.” She kept her head high, staring down the monster she faced. 

James watched her, enthralled with her passion and her determination as she took her stance. Y/N would die before she let him go on their terms and by the looks of things, that wouldn’t be far in her future. One more hit to her ribs and she was done for. 

She knew it too.

James  _needed_ to do something. He’d do it for her and only for her, because. . 

. .because he loved her too much to let her die.

He didn’t resist when the guardian grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, roaring at him. It hardly phased him as it lifted him from the ground and threw him toward the now open window to his frozen time. 

What wrenched at his heart, was Y/N screaming for him.

He didn’t count on her being so fast, even with her fractured rib and freshly located shoulder. Her right hand grabbed his, holding tight. She could feel the strain of his weight pulling against her abused muscles. Half of his body was in his time.

His physical presence sparked life back into the vortex, the beautiful shades of blues were starting to shine through, slowly etching his way through the edges and the disfigured guardians of the vortex started to break away from existence. 

“Doll, you gotta let me go.” His voice trembled, vision blurry from unshed tears.

Y/N on the other hand, was sobbing, tears freely rolling down her cheeks, making glistening tracks from her eyes to her chin. “No! I don’t have to do anything! You’re mine!”

“And I always will be.” His hair started to fix itself, clothes returning to the neatness as when he’d first jumped through the vortex with her, the bruises and marks faded away, leaving clear, smooth skin. The blood on his knuckles ceased and the cuts knitted together. 

It was like nothing had ever happened. 

Y/N couldn’t feel pain in her side, nor in her shoulder, the cuts and bruises on her face slowly disappeared from existence, but now, her hair, which was slick with sweat, was now dry, and lifting upward into voluptuous curls, skin smooth and red lipstick slowly bloomed on her newly-healed lips. 

Y/N’s clothes changed, black jeans turning into a dark ochre brown and bloomed into a form-fitting skirt that reached her calves, the skin of her legs looked filmy, like she was wearing pantyhose and her boots receded into black pumps. The undershirt she was wearing transformed, tucking into the skirt, the sleeves started to stretch down her arm until it clasped around her wrist like a long-sleeved shirt. The neckline dipped as buttons appeared and a collar bloomed around her neck and out of nowhere, her tie and fitted jacket slipped around her.

James’ smile widened, his free hand touching her soft cheek, “and that’s how you looked when you blew me away for the first time.”

Y/N looked just how she did when she was working the mission back then, before this happened.

Times were simpler.

Looking down, Y/N chuckled softly as she stared at her outfit before looking James who was still moving. “Please don’t go.” She whispered, moving closer as she held him tighter. 

“I wish I didn’t have to, baby-doll.” Using his free hand, he clasped his hand over the edge of the tear, moving closer to Y/N, “but I ain’t got no choice.” His deep baby-blue eyes stared deep into her own E/C, as he let go of her hand that was holding him tight with little protest from her, before the same hand ran through her H/C hair. His hand which was holding him from being sucked back into his world, started to shake, letting go of the edge, he took her hand tight.

He wouldn’t be able to hold on.

Looking up into her glittering eyes, he smiled brightly, “we’re gonna have to have a raincheck on that dance, baby-doll.” Leaning forward with his last bit of strength, he kissed her forehead before whispering against the creased skin of her forehead as her other hand slid to his hip, her fingers slipping into his pocket.

“I love you.”

With that, he let go of Y/N completely and was sucked back into his time.

“ _Bucky!”_ Y/N screamed, reaching for him but it was too late, the rush of power sent her flying back through the vortex as the paradox broke and time was restored.

(..)

**_James’ POV:_ **

“What are we doing out here?” A familiar voice asked, as the men who had their guns poised, looked confused as setting them down.

I turned to see Steve, my best-friend with the same confused expression, “I ain’t got a clue, punk. No enemies would dare come this close around here, especially with  _Captain America_ around.” I grin, knowing it gets a rise out of him, and I was right. He scoffed and walked away, throwing orders to the other men and they all scurried away. 

Turning back to the empty street, I frown.  _‘Wasn’t there something I was supposed to remember?’_ Scratching the back of my head, a heavy sigh slips out. 

My hands are cold. 

I shove them in my pockets.

_What?_

Taking my left hand out, I pull out a gold pocket watch. “This ain’t mine.” I open the latch to see the hands not moving, “what am I going to do with a broken watch?” Turning over, I see a pair of initials, Y/F/I Y/L/I. My stomach tightens as I read the letters and my vision blurs. Rubbing them, I pull my fingers back to see that they’re wet. “I’m crying?” 

Sniffling, I close the clasp and I put it back in my pocket and look up at the night’s sky, full of its stars and the large moon.

But all I see are a pair of E/C eyes staring back into mine.

 __(..)

_**Y/N’s POV:** _

_No._

_No!_

_NO!_

I slam my hand against the ground of the compound as the vortex snapped shut. He’s gone. He’s gone and I didn’t even get to say it. 

I never got to tell him.

I never got to say. . 

My hard, erratic breathing turned to loud wailing before I was screaming. 

My entire being felt like it was being ripped painfully apart, molecule by molecule.

I heard rapid footsteps and strong arms lifting me up. “No! I have to go back! I need to go to him!” I yell, fighting whoever it is, using any means necessary. “Fucking let go!” I bang my fist against their metal arm that was entrapping, hearing the faint metal on metal sound. 

I stopped.

A metal arm. 

Turning my head, I saw Bucky’s heartbroken expression as he stared down at my hand, still holding me tight as his ordinary hand opened my fist. 

That hand. 

That exact same hand.

Prying my fingers apart, a pair of dog tags lay against my palm:

 _BARNES, JAMES B._  
32557083  
REBECCA BARNES  
NO PREFERENCE

They were Bucky’s dog tags.

Plucking them from my hand, his metal arm slid from my waist and he undid the clasp sliding it over my shoulders, tears slipping down my cheeks as I realized what he was doing.

The tags rested around my neck and he wrapped his arms around me once more. “It’s going to be okay, doll. It’s going to be all okay.” He whispered as he rocked me from side to side.

Sobs wracked my body as I cried for what was, what could have been and what must be.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Nothing major, angst and some fluff.
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagiarise||

**_Third Person POV:_ **

“Is there anything we can do?” Steve quietly asked, looking over to Bucky with his arms crossed over his broad chest.

“She’s in pain, Steve, she’s grieving over the loss of him. I went into her room to bring in her breakfast and she started to cry, I can’t get near her.” Bucky sighed, looking toward Y/N longingly. “I can keep it up, for her, until she feels better.” With a sigh, he walked away from the entertainment area, to the training area, to get some exercises in.

Y/N was huddled up on the couch, knees to her chest and she hugged her knees, her face blank and her eyes lifeless as she watched some animated program on the massive television.

Dark red circles ringed her under eyes, which were puffy from her crying. Her nose was red and her cheeks were blotchy. Y/N was wearing a large jumper that was at least five sizes larger than she was, probably one of Bucky’s jumpers with black leggings and a pair of fuzzy, colourful socks that were mismatched.

She wiped her nose with the large sleeve before returning to her position.

Steve sighed before making his way toward her, sitting on the free spot next to her. “What are you watching?” He asked, watching the program with her, there was a dark-haired man skating to some song and there were a lot of suggestive moments with the gray-haired man on the side.

“Its called Yuri!!! On Ice. It’s an anime show.” Even her voice was devoid of all emotion.

“Oh, those Japanese ones that you like to watch a lot?” Steve asked, looking over to Y/N who just nodded, her eyes never leaving the flat-screen television. He started listening to the English words being spoken. “Hold on, isn’t this supposed to be in Japanese?”

“It’s been dubbed over in English, some people like to watch only dubbed, I’ve watched both versions.”

“Oh.” Steve returned his gaze to Y/N, sighing once more. 

“Why are you sighing so much?” She asked, not even a hair turned his way.

“It’s been two weeks, Y/N, and you still can’t handle to be in the same room with Bucky, unless you’re completely ignoring him.” Steve’s voice was soft, but the reprimand was there.

“I don’t know what else to do, Steve. I want to be next to him and talk to him, but every time I do, I remember  _him_ and it’s just so hard.” Her hold on her knees tighten and her eyes finally break away from the television and she makes contact with Steve, “how can I get over that?”

“Yes, it takes time, but if you continue to pretend that Bucky doesn’t exist,  _this_ Bucky, our Bucky, you’ll lose him. He’s willing to wait until the Earth stops spinning, but you and I both know, time can change many things, including someone’s mind.” Steve was right, Y/N knew it too. “I just want you to know what will happen if you continue like this, so please. Y/N, I know how much you both love each other, don’t throw this away.” Steve left with those parting words, leaving Y/N to her own devices as she turned her eyes back to the flat-screen, but her mind was elsewhere. 

Her jaw clenched as she thought of James, his face appearing in her mind’s eye. Clutching at her hair, she tugged hard, whimpering. Thinking of him was painful, imagining him, was agonizing. 

He was sliding off a white t-shirt, slipping it over his head and a cybernetic arm replaced his ordinary left, his hair was longer and he had stubble that was steadily growing into a beard with dark circles ringing his haunted eyes .

Grunting, Y/N shot up from her curled place on the couch and she ran to the balcony, trying to take deep, slow breaths.

There had to be something that could help her. 

She couldn’t continue on like this. 

Every time she thought of Bucky, James would pop up, or vice versa.

Leaning heavily against the glass fence, it came to her.

_**B** inarily  **A** ugmented  **R** etro- **F** raming._

_B.A.R.F._

_‘Yeah, that’ll work…_

_. . I hope.’_

(..)

“You want to what?” Tony asked, disbelief written all over his face. 

“I want to use BARF to help me sort out through all-” she gestured to herself, “-this.”

Tony sighed, “you’re feeling guilty, full of grief and loss? Like you want to repress and forget?” To which Y/N nodded. 

“Okay, come with me.” Tony slipped out of his chair and lead her to the lab where there was a small studio set. Tony instructs Y/N to stand in the middle of it and he hands her the glasses. “Just slip them on and they’ll do the work for you. Just try and remember what you wanted to do in that exact moment. Maybe seeing it come to life will do some good.” With that, Tony slipped away and left her to her privacy.

Y/N took a deep, calming breath as she slipped the glasses on. It took a few moments before the stage responded and the simulation started to work. Recreating her exact memory, Bucky and herself were in the same predicament.

He let go.

The simulation froze.

Y/N felt sick, falling to her knees as the same memory played over and over, torturing her, subjecting her to witness James leave her over and over until she couldn’t take it anymore. Pressing the heels of her hands against her temples, she let out an almighty roar before ripping off the glasses and they clattered to the ground in front of her bowed head.

The simulation of her traumatic memory faded. 

Y/N curled into herself, sobbing brokenly, her tears fell against the cold, unforgiving ground as her hands clenched into fists. 

_‘Why? Why did you leave me?’_

(..)

Meanwhile, Tony was talking to Bucky.

“So, that’s her plan.” Bucky commented, “will it help her?” 

“It’ll make her worse before it helps her, it’s not easy, trying to sort through a memory that’s hurt you so deeply, its broken you.” Tony answered, looking toward the general direction of the lab.

“And you still let her do this?!” Bucky snarled, taking a threatening step toward Tony who glared back at the former Winter Soldier, not in the least bit frightened.

“Don’t make me put you down, Barnes, and this time, Steve isn’t here to protect you.” Tony threatened verbally, before he continued, “Y/N wouldn’t have tried if I told her it’ll break her even more, it’ll shatter her heart in smithereens until she’s able to feel like she can pull herself up and begin to glue herself back together.” His voice was burdened, full of sorrow and knowledge. Tony had been through it before, “she’s mourning over the loss of someone she loved, but she can’t forget him because everyday, she sees him. Right in front of her. An older self, but to Y/N, she can’t differentiate between past and present. Her heart refuses to move on, when every part of her can see him and feel him so close to her. It’s hell on Earth for Y/N right now, when she looks at you, because all she can see right now, is  _him.”_ With that, Tony turned and walked away from Bucky.

The billionaire’s words were harsh, but every word rang with truth in every syllable. 

Bucky’s left hand lifted to rub against his thumping heart as he took a deep, shaky breath. It hurt him, to know that his face caused you pain.  _That_ was why you couldn’t be near him.

Because his goddamn face reminded you of his younger self.

(..)

Y/N’s knees cracked loudly as they hit the floor again and she ripped off the glasses for the tenth time, groaning in agony.

There was something she desperately needed.

What was it?

What the hell was she missing!?

 _‘Think about what you wanted to do in that exact moment.’_  Tony’s voice echoed in her mind.

Taking a trembling breath, she shakily got to her feet, gripping the glasses tightly in her hand before she slipped them on and the simulation was back.

Her cheeks were tracked with fresh tears and she sniffled at the painful sight once again.

Y/N sighed in hopelessness, closing her stinging eyes, imagining what she wanted to do in that moment so desperately, it ached inside her.

 _“Bucky!”_  The simulation of her called. Y/N’s eyes snapped open, to watch the simulation change.  _“I need to tell you. . “_  the simulation of her hesitated before dropping all fear and launched herself forward, capturing his lips with her own. They shared a deep, loving kiss, their lips sliding together in synchronization before simulated Y/N pulled away to whisper,  _“I love you, James.”_

Y/N stood there, eyes wide as the simulation froze with her simulated lips on James’. Sliding off the glasses, she watched the scene disappear slowly from her eyes.

She did it. 

She finally did it.

Looking toward the window, all she could see was the moon high in the sky and the stars lighting the dark night.

_‘I can do this.’_


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Smut implied! Also McDonald’s is featured in this part so if you’re vegan or vegetarian, sorry.
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagarise||

A month passed, with great improvement.

Y/N was able to be to now hold a conversation with Bucky, though the majority of their conversations were in her room, considering she was nearly always nursing an electromagnetic headache with Bucky by her side. **  
**

Most of her days were spent, having breakfast, then back to the lab, working through the simulations, have a snack, back to the lab, have dinner and go to bed, speak with Bucky and fall asleep with him beside her.

Things were starting to look up for them.

Y/N’s filmy E/C eyes slowly opened, to see Bucky laying beside her, his robotic fingers cold against her cheek, but her own hand, warm from the covers and her own body heat rested against the cool metal. “Hi, Happy Feet.”

Bucky grinned at her affectionate term for him, glad she was using it again, as he intertwined their vastly different fingers together. Mechanical on human, skin on metal. bone on wires, “how are you feeling, today, doll?” His voice was husky and warm, baby-blue eyes crinkled with his smile.

“I slept better today and my headache isn’t nearly as bad as before.” Y/N rubbed her forehead gently with her free hand.

“That’s good, doll.” Bucky kept calling her by that affectionate term as much as he could. Two weeks ago, she would have snapped at him for calling her that, but these days, she was doing so much better. Well, he was laying next to her, holding her hand, so he’d count that as a win. But he wouldn’t get ahead of himself. “I’ll let you go, so you can have breakfast and get ready to go back to the lab.” He didn’t notice Y/N reach for him before he slid off the bed and left without a backwards glance.

“…I wasn’t planning on going to the lab.” Her reply fell on deaf ears and a silent room.

Sighing, Y/N slid out of her warm bed, and head straight for the adjoining bathroom to wash the sleep away.

Today, she wasn’t going to put herself through all that pain; hell, these days, it didn’t make her ache nearly as much, Y/N was going to go out and enjoy the day, as much as she possibly could.

(..)

**_Y/N’s POV:_ **

The day passed quickly.

I was able to enjoy the day outside, even thought I left the compound to go into the city for a McDonald’s frappé.

What? I had a craving!

I seriously needed something so sugary, it would give me at least sixteen cavities with one sip, otherwise I was going to be incredibly disappointed.

I needed to get out of that funk I’d thrown myself into when I came back from the battle with James. I felt broken and useless, like all my hope was completely gone and I wanted to change it. 

So I did and I’m better for it. I don’t feel like I’m going to completely lose it when I see Bucky, nor do I snap at him anymore. I don’t feel like all hope is lost and everything in my world is meaningless. I hate feeling weak and I pride myself on my independance. So, me acting so ripped apart and pathetic, no matter what the reason was, isn’t a fucking highlight. 

I’m glad I was able to snap myself out of it.

Entering the compound, I was holding a frappé in one hand and a large paper bag with the McDonald’s logo on it, filled to the brim with food.

Yes, I was hungry too.

Bucky stopped his descent down the stairs to stare at the bag. “Did you go to McDonald’s?”  _Fucking vulture._

Nodding, “Yeah, I did, I went for a frappé before I decided I was hungry, so I got some food.” Lifting the paper bag, it crinkled as it swayed gently, “want to share on the balcony?”

I bet he wasn’t expecting that. 

I don’t normally share my food with anyone,  _especially_ McDonald’s.

And that was how we ended up on the balcony, eating McDonald’s and joking around like old times, I offered him the cup of frappé and he’d take it, sipping at it, before complaining just how sugary it was before he’d begrudgingly ask for more.  _‘I knew you liked it!’_  It always made me laugh. “When was the last time we did this?” I asked, speaking around a mouthful of burger.

“Jesus, a year ago?” Bucky answered, unsure, “that was when our missions kicked up and we were too busy to really relax and then everything with . . me happened, so yeah. . nearly a year now.” He swallowed the last bite of his burger, I didn’t notice his hungry gaze until it was too late and my burger was ripped away from me.

“Hey,” Glaring at Bucky, it was like he had stolen my newborn child, “that’s  _my_ burger, you thief!”

“You weren’t eating it fast enough.” Taking a large helping, I watched him chew obnoxiously, though his mouth was closed, “it looked like you needed some help, doll.”

“A proper gentleman would ask!” I growl, snatching back what was left of my burger, left with only a quarter but I quickly stuffed it in my mouth.

_‘Nobody gets my burger.’_

“I’ve seen pigs with more manners.” Bucky teased. He was lucky my voice was muffled, because, the amount of expletives I said, would have been enough to send Steve into a coma, “sorry, baby doll? Can’t hear ya.”

My eye twitched, chewing  the rest of my burger furiously before gulping it down until I poke his chest, leaning up on my tiptoes but that honestly did nothing for the vast height difference.  _‘Now, I’m fucking pissed that he’s taller than me!’_  But my inner thoughts don’t deter me from my mission. “You can’t just take someone’s food without asking, you’re lucky I didn’t bite your hand off! You know how much I love my burgers-”

But I never got to finish my sentence.

Bucky’s lips saw to that eagerly. Moving against mine silkily with so much passion and love, that I can hardly believe that  _anyone_ was capable of such intense emotions. I couldn’t help but whimper against his lips, too shocked to really kiss him back, gripping at his taut biceps. I can feel the metal plates shifting on his left to accommodate for the movement he was performing.

 Pulling back, the passionate haze that clouded his eyes cleared and they widened in shock. Bucky stepped back, stumbling over himself and my head drooped, my hair falling over my face. “Oh, God, doll, I’m so sorry.” Bucky apologised.

I wasn’t expecting him to be so bold so quickly.

I traced my lips, feeling the wetness of his mouth still on my own. The electricity was still fresh, coursing through my body until there was nothing in my mind but him.

My Happy Feet, my Bucky.

My Sergeant James Barnes.

I don’t know what came over me, but I have no intentions of stopping it. 

Because this feels  _right._

My hands shot upward, the frappé tipping over the edge of the balcony and falling to the ground as I framed his face, sharply pulling him down and smashing my lips to his, cutting off his apology violently. I felt his sharp intake of breath and a quiet groan left his mouth as my tongue slipped past his slightly parted lips and slid against his own wet tongue. His beard was prickly against my skin, but I didn’t care.

Pulling away, I look into his stunned eyes through my eyelashes, “don’t apologise for something I want.”

The back of his knuckles caressed my cheek, warm skin on my own flushed skin, “are you sure, baby? Because if we continue this . . I won’t be able to stop myself.” His warning was clear, dark eyebrows pulled together in concern as his thumb traced along my bottom lip.

Leaning on my tiptoes even more, I reach and throw my arms around his broad shoulders, bringing my face barely inches away from his, “I’m more than sure…James.” His eyes widened at his first name before his worried expression melted into a loving smile. 

“Well, alright then, sugar.”

He didn’t disappoint.

Bucky lay me down in the centre of his bed, his hands tracing the sides of my body. Fingers skirting over my ribs as his lips trailed open-mouthed kisses from my jaw, down my collarbone and right where my cleavage starts. 

Every article of my clothing was meticulously removed until I was completely exposed to his loving gaze. I didn’t feel self-conscious. I wanted him to see all of me and love me. 

Reaching up, I grasp at the hem of his shirt, slowly lifting it up, to reveal his impressive torso. Without having to speak a word, Bucky knew exactly what I wanted, he took a hold of his shirt and slipped it over his head exposing his top half completely, his muscles flexing. Sitting up on my knees, my hands trace around his hips as my head dips down to press my lips to his stomach, feeling the taut muscles bunch once more. 

His entire body was quivering, chest heaving with powerful breaths. Smiling against his stomach, I suddenly open my mouth and lick a trail from where his belt buckle presses into his skin, all the way to the middle of his pecs and his answering groan was too erotic to describe.

I look up and his eyes are hooded- dark with passion as he slowly leans down as my back hits the mattress once more. Our lips just about to touch when I hear his buckle clink and the rush of material falling to the floor as his urgent words reach my ears, “are you sure, baby?”

Still so concerned.

My fingers running over his stubbly cheek as his hair falls into his face. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

That was all it took.

Our lips met once more in an affectionate kiss as his body comes down along my own and he spreads my legs slightly so his hips nestle in the open space, his length pressing against my heat, “ready baby-girl?”

“Ready when you are, handsome.” 

(..)

**_Third Person POV:_ **

Panting, Bucky pulled away from her, only to pull her back against his chest, cuddling her sweaty body. “Wow.” He exclaimed softly, their legs intertwining together.

Y/N hummed in pleasure, kissing his sweaty chest before sighing in bliss, every muscle in her body was like jelly as she stared at his loving blue eyes and she touched his cheek, smiling softly, “Bucky?”

His robotic hand blanketed her own, lips curling up into an amorous smile, “yes, doll?”

Y/N took a deep breath, seemingly to work up the courage, eyes glittering with tears as she gazed into his own desperately, “James Buchanan Barnes,” she started, her voice thick with tears, “I-,” taking another breath, she leaned forward, kissing him tenderly, “I love you.” Her lips brushed against his as she whispered those three words.

Bucky smiled, rolling them over so he was once again on top, “I love you too, Y/N.” 

Bucky and Y/N shared a passionate, deep kiss.

_“I love you.”_


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything that Marvel has created and I certainly don’t own Sebastian Stan.
> 
> Warnings: Major familial sweetness and Bucky fluff.
> 
> ||Please do not repost or plagiarise||

_**Y/N’s POV:** _

It’s been fifteen beautiful years with Bucky. 

For those of you that are unaware, we’ve been married for fourteen of those years and we’ve had our ups and down like any couple but we’ve always pulled through.

It was our anniversary today and Bucky had told me that I should  _‘doll myself up’_  like in the old days, so that’s what I was doing in front of the vanity with my one-year-old girl on my lap. Her thick yet growing Y/H/C hair was pulled back from her small forehead and up in a hair tie. Her hair parted like a little fountain atop her head. It always made me smile. She was watching me paint my lips red with liquid lipstick, her baby-blue eyes watching in fascination, reminiscent of her father. 

That, or she was wondering how she could see two of Mummy.

I had styled my hair loosely to the image of the 40′s girls and I was wearing a black wrap dress with a bow tied to my hip and black pumps complimented my outfit as my engagement and wedding rings glistened in the lamplight. The diamond necklace that Bucky gifted to me today for our anniversary glittered just as brightly as my rings. 

Bucky rarely bought me jewelry for our anniversaries, he really only bought me roses or chocolates (mostly always chocolates) but on the off occasion, he’d buy me a small, gorgeous gift from a high-priced store, if he was feeling particularly extravagant. It always made me appreciate the little things he did for me and I loved that he had kept to his charming yet sincere roots, reminding me of the happy-go-lucky Brooklyn boy that remained in his heart.

Lifting baby Becca off my lap and cradling her in my arms, I stood up from the chair, stepping away from the vanity, listening to my girl’s baby-talk with a warm feeling in my heart. 

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. 

_I still got it._

Giggling as Becca coos in my ear, I exit my and Bucky’s bedroom, only to see my eldest slowing to a stop in front of me, leaning against the curve of the wall.

He was the spitting image of Bucky in his younger days. Clear blue eyes, same pouty lips, same exact features and dark brown hair, brushed back neatly but a thick strand of hair slipped out of its neat arrangement and fell into his eye. He was only fourteen, too handsome for his own good and he  _knew it_ too. Lifting my hand up, I tuck the rebellious lock of hair around his ear, “brushed your teeth, washed your face?” 

“Yeah, Mama, all done.” He smiled, showing me his perfect white teeth. 

“Alright, darling.” I smile, patting his cheek softly.

“Ready for your date with the old man?” He even had Bucky’s cheeky streak.

“Steven Richard Barnes, don’t talk that way about your father.” I tell him sternly but I can’t keep it up before leaning closer and whispering, “but yeah, I’m ready for the fossil.” Stevie snorted, laughing quietly before Becca yawned, rubbing her eyes with her tiny fists, “okay, baby-girl, let’s put you to sleep.” Steven kissed his baby sister’s forehead and pats my shoulder before walking in the opposite direction, no doubt to annoy his father as I walked to Becca’s nursery.

Becca was already in her little purple pajama romper, her diaper was freshly changed and she had been just fed, so I set her down in her crib, sliding the hair tie out and fixed her hair so it lay neatly against her head, before wrapping her in the covers. “Goodnight, my precious angel.” I kiss Becca’s little lips and watch her big blue eyes slowly close as my exhausted girl finally falls asleep.

I switch on the night light before quietly exiting her room and walking to my other son’s room, who was already tucked in bed, courtesy of his father, “I thought you were supposed to be sleeping, Georgie?” The little dark-haired boy giggled before reaching up for me, twinkling E/C eyes stared into the genetic copy of my own.

Smiling, I approach, settling down on the side of his bed before lifting George in a warm cuddle before setting him back down, tucking him in once again, “has Daddy read you your bedtime story?”

George nodded, all smiles and happiness, “yes, Mummy, Daddy read me Stewie Little and I brushed my teeth just like Daddy told me to,” and proceeded to show me his clean baby teeth. George always called Stuart,  _‘Stewie’,_  the fact that he had a lisp, only made anything he said with an ‘s’ or a ‘t’ in it that much cuter.

“That’s great, Georgie!” Leaning down, I kiss his little nose, loving the giggles he erupted into, “now, mister, it’s time to sleep. Goodnight, Georgie.”

“Goodnight, Mummy.” Settling into the pillows, George curled up, closing his eyes and with the night light shining in the room dimly, I got up from his bed and quietly slipped out of his room and finally walked to the lively living room, where Bucky, Steve and Stevie all sat on the sofa in front of the television set.

“Happy Feet? You ready?” Yep, fifteen years of marriage and I still call him Happy Feet.

I watch with amusement as all three boys snap to attention and Bucky’s awed expression was enough to make my heart burst. He looked so handsome in his suit, shaggy hair brushed back neatly. It was starting to grow out again. Beautiful blue eyes warm, shining with love and happiness. 

“You look beautiful, doll.” Bucky’s voice was hushed, like all the air in his lungs had been sucked out.

“Thanks, baby, you look absolutely handsome.” I walk toward him, gently fixing his tie, my hands lingering on his muscled chest and I lean in, pressing a warm, affectionate kiss against his sculpted, smooth cheek. 

His arm wraps around my waist securely as Steve watches us with a happy smile curling his lips and our son making gagging noises and Bucky turned his head to our son, “When you’re older and married, you’ll be doing the same thing, kiddo.” I chuckle as Stevie shakes his head in disagreement. 

I slip out of Bucky’s hold to greet Steve, wrapping him up in a tight hug, “hey, Steve. Thanks for looking after the kids tonight.”

“It’s my pleasure, Y/N. You look gorgeous, have a great time.” Steve murmured in my ear, rubbing my back before pulling away with a brotherly smile aimed toward me.

“Will do, Cap.” I wink up at him before wrapping Stevie in a hug, kissing his cheek. “You be good for your godfather, understand? No sweets at this hour and no staying up too late.”

“Okay, Mama.” Stevie acquiesces, kissing my cheek before moving to bid his father a goodbye. Bucky pulled his boy into a warm hug, his metal hand gently caressing the back of Stevie’s head. 

I remember when I was pregnant the first time with Stevie, Bucky was terrified of hurting me or the baby with his metal hand and his worries couldn’t be put to rest.

 He was too scared of hurting his own child.

That all changed when Stevie was born and Bucky held him for the first time in the delivery room.

(..)

The _nurse passed our newborn son to Bucky who cradled him with his normal hand. “Uh, Daddy, you might want to hold Baby with both hands, he’s quite the wiggler.” The nurse smiled gently before going on his way._

_Bucky looked incredibly worried and lifting his bionic hand and our son watched it, mesmerised. Little, baby finger reached and Bucky froze as our son, who wasn’t even an hour old, wrapped his fist around Daddy’s metal forefinger._

_Bucky gently ran his robotic thumb along our son’s tiny hand before enveloping it in his own large, mechanical one. Looking over our baby for any signs of distress or pain, he couldn’t see anything that pertained to those emotions at all._

_Just contentment._

_Looking up at me with wide, tearful blue eyes, Bucky laughed in delight as he lifted our newborn son, kissing his tiny forehead with such relief and joy, it brought me to tears._

_Bucky was okay._

(..)

It’s hard to believe that was fourteen years ago, but I’m glad he’s gotten over the fear of harming his children unintentionally with his bionic hand. To see him cradling his son’s head with it, was a massive step in the right direction.

Bucky stepped out of the hug, clapping Stevie’s shoulder before reaching for me. Sidling up to him, his arm slid around my waist, “we’ll be back soon.” He winked before we left our house to wherever my husband had planned for us to spend our anniversary.

(..)

We ended up in an old jazz club, (one that Tony had built specifically) that was empty.

“Buck? What’s going on? Where is everyone?” I ask, looking around. 

What is he planning?

Bucky just grinned, leading me to the dance floor, just as  _I Give You My Word_ by Eddy Duchin started to play. 

Our wedding song.

We moved into our positions before we started to perform the foxtrot, reminiscent of our first dance. “Someone’s going all out, aren’t ya?” I ask, a large smile curling my lips upward.

“Anything to give my doll on the anniversary of our marriage.” Bucky murmured, twirling me before settling me back into his hold. “I have one more surprise for you, doll.”

“Oh? And what surprise is that, Sergeant Barnes?” My hand on his shoulder slowly creeps to his cheek, Bucky got the message and slowly leans down and captured my lips in a deep, adoring kiss and I relished in the feeling. 

Breaking apart slowly, “you’re about to find out.” Twirling me once more, he let go of my hand and I was taken into the same stance by another body.

My eyes snapped open, only to see the person I never thought I’d see again, grinning back at me. “Happy Anniversary, doll.”

“James!” My voice is hardly working and my brain can’t compute properly with the massive fucking bombshell dropped on me, “how-when-why-where-”

James cut off my stuttering with a loving kiss. 

 _I give you my word, that I’ll never love again._  
This is my first and last romance.  
I gave my lips, my heart and soul to you.  
My heart will break if you don’t take me too .  


Our locked lips part with a soft sound as he lets go of my hand to show me my pocket watch. It was war-beaten and the shine was now dull and scratched, but it was still my pocket watch.

“I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Or, to put it properly, my future self does.” He’s so smug. I snap to look at Bucky who raised his champagne glass to us with a smile and a smug wink. “I started to remember a year after I left,” James pulls my attention back to him, “I never let go of the watch, it felt too important to me, like there was something attaching me to it and sure enough, I remembered who still had my heart.”

 _I give you my word._  
You are the only one.  
All heaven has heard what your love has done.

Sniffling, I look up at James in all his youthful glory, smiling brightly and confidently. “and you’ve come back to me.”

“Always, baby-girl. I’ll always come back to my best girl. Especially on our anniversary.” James rested his forehead against mine, swaying us to the beat, “that and you owed me a dance.”

“I never accepted your invitation, you shit.” I remind, but he just laughs it off. 

“Then owe me something else, sugar.” James’ warm blue eyes meet my E/C. I knew what he was talking about. “I don’t have long here, baby, I just want to hear you say it.”

I smile sadly.

I knew what he meant about not having long. 

Sniffling, I lean in, kissing him passionately. James reciprocates excitedly, our joined hands slipped from each other’s hold as my hand rejoins the other on his opposite shoulder and his free hand slips around my free hip. My lips glide against his easily, both of us in tune with each other, our tongues tentative as we gently prod and lick before it deepens and my hands slide into his hair, his arms slide up and hug my waist to his body. 

I pull away slowly, looking up in his glazed eyes and I smile widely. 

“I love you.” I whisper against his full lips, feeling the smile that stretches them widely.

“ _Finally!_ ” He whispers joyfully, slowly detaching my hand from his hair and cradled it in his own, large hand, pressing a soft kiss to the back of my knuckles, “I love you, Y/N, don’t ever forget that, baby doll.” 

With that, James faded from our time.

Taking his place, my husband pulls me to his chest to comfort me, but he didn’t have to. 

“I love you with all my heart and soul, James Buchanan Barnes.” I whisper as we resume our foxtrot, moving to the beloved song. “Thank you so much, Happy Feet.”

“I love you too, doll.” Resting his forehead against my own, he smiles, “and you are most welcome.” Holding the pocket watch, I rest my hand against his chest. 

This small little thing started this whole thing, my mutation had brought our romance to light.

I fell in love with the same men, two men to be exact.

His name is James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes.

 _Darling what’s the good of life without love._  
Or love without you.  
I’ll never change I give you my word.  

Bucky²

_Fin_


End file.
